Refreshing Your Relationship: Changing Your Appearance

By Virginia Bola, PsyD

One of the challenges of even the strongest long-term relationship is the difficulty in keeping things fresh and new. We are creatures of habit, developing routines that work for us without our having to think about it. It allows us to move through fast-paced lives without having to make every little decision on a daily basis. We don't want to stop and think about which sock to put on first, which way to drive to work, what kind of gas to put in our car, how to stack the dishwasher or fold our clothes.

Habits make life so much more simple that it frees up our energies to confront the big decisions and problems we have to face. However, habits also distance us from what we do because our mind is not engaged, When someone else points out that we "always" do something a certain way, we are amazed because we are unaware. Once we've moved beyond the adolescent and young adult experimentation phase, we tend to fall into the rut of wearing our hair a certain way, how we put on our makeup, the kind of television shows we watch, the choice of foods we eat, and the lifestyle we pursue.

That is why the sneaky marketing men aim their message at young age groups who are the ones most likely to try something different. The size and the purchasing power of the baby boomers may be extraordinarily large but they are seldom targeted by major advertising campaigns because they are comfortable with the choices they have made and are unlikely to really hear messages about alternatives in which they have little interest.

Within our lasting relationships, we also fall into habits. They range from unwavering go-to-bed-at-night and get-up-in-the-morning routines to the day of the week we go out, the restaurants we frequent, and the way we communicate (or fail to communicate) with each other. We are so used to being around our partner that, despite the affection we may feel, we stop seeing each other with the wonder and appreciation we felt in those first heady months.

Shaking up our lives by dumping old habits can make us feel younger and alive. Changing our appearance, even a few times a month, makes us look at each other through new eyes and makes us focus on each other in a different way.

Women can more easily and radically change their looks because female hairstyles are so much more varied than those of men. A wig (or several), in a totally different color, with appropriate makeup adjustments, can affect your response to each other. A man can temporarily grow a moustache, a beard, or sideburns, and elicit new attention from his surprised wife. An outrageous new piece of clothing for a special date can transform your interaction with each other.

Many of us love costume parties whether something dramatic at Halloween or an only-black-and-white graphics event or a get together with friends wearing the clothes we loved in high school.

Be creative! If you usually dine out in business attire, get some cowboy gear and go to a western saloon for some line dancing. If your usual night out is at a bowling alley, dress to the nines and have a drink at the most expensive hotel in your area, rubbing shoulders with the movers and shakers. Try a latino nightclub, hot dogs on the pier, or drinks with fruit and little umbrellas at a sushi bar. Dress in your skuzziest clothes and visit a luxury car showroom to laugh at the consternation you cause. Use that tux you rented for your niece's wedding when you visit the local pizza parlor and see the buzz you create.

The city of Las Vegas has a wonderful ad campaign about "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." It speaks to our desire to do something totally different and outrageous to escape the paralyzing pastry of our normalcy - but with the assurance that we can return without ill effects, no burned bridges forcing permanent change.

Shaking up our appearance can shake up our partner and our mutual interactions. Do it for the excitement and do it for the fun. As another ad campaign suggests, "Just do it."

Virginia Bola is giving away complimentary copies of "Seven Super Simple Tips: Keep Your Marriage Fresh" from which this article is taken. To obtain your own copy, visit: http://www.graburl.com/x.php?1cs.

The Never-Complete Ever-Nagging Honey-Do List

By Saro Saravanan

A recent CSI re-run was about a guy who had murdered his wife and hidden her body in the hot-water booster because she "nagged" him. Clearly that was an extreme case of frustration and breakdown in communication between husband and wife, but I think it's fair to say that those of us in domestic bliss have had our moments of tension around the honey-do list.

Men and women are from different planets when it comes to their attitude around the honey-do list. Depending on the domestic situation either spouse could be the "manager" of the honey-do list, but in the vast majority of cases I know, it's usually the wife, so let's talk about that example.

It's not that men don't want to do their chores. But they don't want to be told what to do. And they don't want to be told when to do it — "now" in most cases. They just want the freedom to do it at their own convenience.

On the flip side, women don't wish to be the "managers" of the honey-do list. Clearly, it causes as much stress to be the one to (repeatedly) ask for things to be done as it does for the target of the request.

Here's a typical scenario. Husband comes home from work bushed. He just wants to plop in front of the TV beer in hand.

Wife: "Honey, don't forget to fix the leak in the upstairs bathroom".

Husband: "Grunt. Yeah, I'll get to it". He's thinking, let me relax for a bit, drink a beer, then, when I'm feeling energized, I'll go upstairs. Wish I'd remembered to do it in the morning - I had some spare time. Wish I'd remembered to look at the honey-do list wife diligently put up on the fridge.

A little while later, he's engrossed in the football game he's watching, and he doesn't want to miss it because the game just got exciting.

There go the good intentions. And the scenario repeats the next day.

The problem is genuine, and both parties would really like to get it fixed, but clearly this is a communication and time management problem. Clearly, in this era of computers, email, cell phones, personal digital assistants, there's got to be a better way?

Fortunately, there are tools recently available that specifically address the problem, such as the one my company makes. Instead of micro-managing your family, you should try one of these tools, where you can create a daily plan for each family member well in advance, and the computer, through email, cell phone reminders, etc., does the reminding.

So husband can be fully aware of his to-do list and manage the work at his convenience. And wife can let her computer do the nagging. And everyone can live happily ever after. Sound good?

ฉ 2006 by Saro Saravanan.

Saro Saravanan is the Founder-CEO of Mediabee, which makes Mediabee Family Dashboard, a free family management tool built to address the needs of busy families and their organizers. Be sure to read the rest of his articles from this series on Family Management. Download Mediabee Family Dashboard today at http://mediabee.com and streamline your family and small business.

Keeping a Marriage Happy

By CD Mohatta

Marriages are taken for granted. After the honeymoon period is over, couples co exist. Most of the time without any charm in their married life. Everything becomes a routine- eating, sleeping, everything becomes highly predictable and dull. If kids arrive in the life of a married couple, which they invariably do, the attention shifts more to upbringing of the children.

What happened to the early romance? Why does a marriage kill a perfect romance? Why do people break up and divorce each other so soon after the marriage? What happens in the period of their married life that brings it to either a dull existence or an end?

The very first change that can be noticed is -care. Yes, before marriage, a partner is more worried about how to take care of the other partner. After marriage it is the other way round. Why are you not paying any attention to my needs? Why do you not care for me? Why are you acting so selfishly? Why is your work more important than me? Why can you not wash the dishes alone? Yes, I agree that you need a holiday badly, but where is the money? Accusations of different types fly around and make a hell of what was heavenly togetherness earlier.

Keeping one's married life happy is very essential. Complaining about the partner will not help, but understanding each other's needs and trying to fulfill them will. Partners need to go back in life and look for that spark that kindled the love in the first place. What did you admire in your partner before marriage? Do you still admire that or not? What did you like before that you hate now? Reflect. Go back and think. Bring that charm back. Complimenting each other for the smallest act, expressing happiness of living together, letting the partner know how much you value her/him and so many small things that make the other partner happy must be done daily.

Why ignore your husband or wife and feel envious about other couples. Why not create a happy life that others envy? Why not make the other partner feel needed and good at all the times. Why not forgive even a big blunder? Why not put yourself in your partner's shoes and think about the life he/she is living. Why not bring the romance back by going for candle light dinners, or watching the sunset together? Let the sun set, but keep your marriage happy.

Mohatta writes about different aspect of life. Love, inspiration, pains, humanity, truth etc. He is currently dedicated content writer for http://www.screenenetwork.com network. One of the websites for which he writes text for the eCards, Wallpapers and Screensavers is http://www.cupidecards.com

How To Avoid Having Your Wedding On A Red Day

By Lesley-Ann Graham

When you chose your wedding day, you probably tried to find a day of significance to both of you. You try to schedule it on a day when your loved ones can be present. You may even consult a special calendar for the days of luck.

Quite often though ladies, we forget to think about when we're going to have our monthly flow, so sometimes the wedding lands on a red day. If you haven't set the actual day yet, check your cycle now! It is best to have your nuptials on days 5 to 13 of the menstrual cycle since our hormones are on the up and at �em mode.

If you need help to figure out your cycle, you can go visit your doctor. There are even some online software products available that may help you to plot your period and keep track. The sooner you know the pattern the easier to set the date.

It can be quite a drag if your wedding day is on the time of the month, especially if you're the kind who gets PMS. The cramps can make you cranky on your wedding day. The heels and heat plus backache is a recipe for a very long day. Thank goodness for painkillers! They'll help you get through the day.

Of course, thanks to modern medicine there are ways to "reset" your period, if you will. Your ob-gyne (not yours truly) can teach this to you. It is one way to avoid the discomfort. The sooner you go see your friendly ob, the better.

Basics to remember if you don't mind having your monthlies during this important period:

Bring your pain relief medicine and take it when you need to.

Have extra pads (or whatever you use) handy. Since you won't have a pocket or bag, you can ask your best friend or mother.

Of course, avoidance is always the best policy!

Lesley-Ann Graham runs WeddingTrix.com - a valuable wedding planning resource with articles, tips and advice to help you plan your perfect wedding. Visit Lesley-Ann's wedding blog for more free wedding planning help and advice.

Marriage Can Lower the Cost of Auto Insurance

By Elizabeth Newberry

There is really only one reason to enter into marriage � love. When two people love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together, it is usually safe to assume that marriage probably is not too far down the road. When you enter into marriage with a person you love, respect, and want to be with forever, and that person loves, respects, and wants to be with your forever, life is grand.

That being said, we can put all romanticism aside and take a look at the other perks of marriage, namely the financial perks. You can save a lot of money when you get married, especially when it comes to insurance. Any insurance policy you purchase as an individual is going to be more expensive than if you could purchase it through a group, such as an employer or an association to which you belong. Since not all employers offer insurance, and not all of us belong to association that offer insurance, many of us just opt not to purchase certain kinds of insurance. However, auto insurance is something we can not just opt not to purchase. Auto insurance of some sort is a requirement for everyone who owns a vehicle.

Single people, especially young single people, tend to pay much higher auto insurance premiums than older people and married people. When two people enter into marriage together, their lives merge together and so can their auto insurance. Why? Because many auto insurance companies offer discounts for married couples.

If both you and your new spouse have your own auto insurance policies from two different insurance companies, sit down and review each company and policy to determine which one you want to stick with and which one you want to let go. If you both have your own policies from the same insurance company, talk with your insurance agent about purchasing an auto insurance policy together.

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Married 4 Good Thinking

By Keishia Lee Louis

Although I do believe in "till death do us part", the M4G concept is not so much about permanency as it is about making great things come out of your marriage.

I have a challenge for you: write 10 good things that you'd like to see come from your marriage relationship. They can be for you, your spouse, your children, or even society (that's right expand those borders).

Here are mine:

1. Greater faith in God

2. Better sense of self

3. Children who are responsible in adulthood

4. Stronger health

5. Stronger finances

6. Understanding

7. Ability to give more

8. Desire to care for self

9. Well-developed unconditional love for others

10. Chance to build others up emotionally and spiritually

Now write your measurable goals. Do one or two for each vision statement (good thing). They'll go something like this:

--Spend 1-on-1 time with each of my children every day.

--Have a date with my spouse once a week.

--Read, pray, meditate for 45 minutes a day.

Put your goals in a place you'll always see and remember them. Then work on one or two at a time until you think you've mastered it (them).

Remember happiness is in the journey not just in the destination. Only YOU can measure the first ten. I'd love to know how this exercise is working for you. Share your thoughts and experiences on the blog or with me via email: comments@married4good.com.

Keishia Lee-Louis is the Editor and Publisher of http://www.Married4Good.com (launching November 2005). Her work has appeared on iVillage.com, BibleResourceCenter.com, and in numerous other printed publications.

Currently, she lives with her husband, daughter and son and is writing a book on marriage and relationships which will be published Spring 2006.

If you'd like to see more of her work, visit http://married4good.blogspot.com

Frustrated with Internet Dating? Top Five Ways to Find Your Mate Without a Computer

By David Steele

In a new trend, singles are becoming increasingly disillusioned with internet dating and seeking alternatives. With millions of singles using the internet and the promises and success stories of online matchmaking websites, I've heard the same thing over and over from singles across the country who are frustrated with internet dating-

"It's great to have a lot of choices, but it takes a lot of time and I don't seem to meet anyone I have much chemistry with."

This trend makes sense to me. In some ways, using a computer to find your soul mate is like trying to cook a souffle in a microwave. Some things just require time, effort, and the human touch.

This article will explore the upsides and downsides of internet dating, attempt to explain why internet dating doesn't work for some (most?) singles, and suggest some alternatives.

Top Five Advantages of Internet Dating

1. Reach more singles 2. Inexpensive (relatively) 3. Enough information available for efficient sorting 4. Anonymous 5. Easy to control most aspects of the process

Top Five Downsides of Internet Dating

1. Overwhelming number of choices 2. Encourages "shopping" mentality 3. Many users are less than truthful 4. Some users are game players, predators. cheaters 5. Complacency- tempting to rely on the internet and exclude other options

The Internet, Chemistry, and the Law of Attraction

Today's singles seem to be relying on their computer a bit too much and complacently expecting the internet to deliver their soul mate. This is a version of the Fairytale Trap (one of fourteen dating traps in my book "Conscious Dating"). The internet is a wonderful tool (I use it!) but doesn't seem to work effectively as the only tool for finding potential partners.

I believe that the two biggest reasons why the internet isn't effective for many singles is the role of chemistry and the Law of Attraction.

Chemistry is critically important for a successful relationship. Everyone wants a partner they feel strong chemistry with, and a relationship would be pretty dry and unsustainable without it. The Fourth Principle of Conscious Dating is "Balance Your Heart With Your Head." Identifying your requirements, needs, and wants does not minimize the need for chemistry. You need both! I like to think of chemistry as the radar that helps you find your target, then you use your requirements, needs and wants to decide "yes" or "no."

The Law of Attraction is inescapeable and either works for you or against you. If you're "busy" or "shy" and the internet is your only means of reaching potential partners, in a way you're hiding behind your computer and the Law of Attraction is not likely to help you. The Law of Attraction states that "like attracts like" and "energy follows attention," meaning your results reflect your thoughts and your actions. Over the years I've become convinced that the Law of Attraction is a powerful law of the Universe, like gravity. Just like "what goes up must come down," try as you might, you can't avoid or change the principle that "like attracts like."

If you're hiding behind your computer, what people, relationships, and results are you likely to attract?

Top Five Ways to Find Your Mate Without a Computer

1. Use your support community

Most people find their soul mate through someone they know, so don't be a lone ranger (another dating trap!) and lean on your friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors to assist you to meet potential partners.

2. Start a dating pool or networking group

Get a group of singles together (any gender mix) to support each other to meet potential partners. Most singles know lots of other singles of both genders, so pool your resources and do some matchmaking for each other!

3. Reach out to people

In today's busy world with cell phones, texting, instant messaging, e-mail, and the internet promoting impersonal ways of interacting with others, it's easy to forget the lost art of engagement with real people that are right in front of you. Make an effort to reach out to the people you come into contact with in your everyday life and watch your relationships blossom.

4. Make more friends

Since most people find their soul mate through someone they know, be open to developing new friendships and expanding your support community. Chances are you already have acquaintances at work and other places that you would enjoy spending more time with. Friends are easier to find than dates, and friendships often last longer than romantic relationships!

5. Get involved

Too many singles lead isolated lives centered around work, home, and a few friends. Participating in clubs, groups, classes, charities, church/temple, is the most important way you can leverage the Law of Attraction to help you find your soul mate. You'll meet new people, make new friends, and pursue hobbies and interests important to you that bring you in contact with other compatible singles.

Balancing High Tech with High Touch

While technology can help us in many ways, let's not forget that as humans we are social beings and finding your life partner is a relationship goal that is most effectively acheived by getting away from your computer and living a full, rich life among real people doing the things you enjoy that make your life meaningful.

As the ancient Roman playwright Terence once said "Moderation in all things." Do you think he meant the internet as well?

Let's address this trend of over-reliance on the internet for finding love. Please pass this article along to the frustrated singles in your life that you care about!

Copyright 2006 David Steele

David Steele, MA, LMFT is founder of Relationship Coaching Institute and author of "Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World (RCN Press, 2006). http://www.consciousdating.com

Relationship: Realistic Expectations

By Julia Jones

�How romantic, I wish I too have such a lover, such a relationship�.

Most of us are fascinated by the love affairs of others. We expect a relationship to be filled with love and passion. We often feel that in a relationship the couples will be holding hands and spending the whole day looking into the eyes of each other. No fights, no arguments and only love, just perfect for each other. We too desire such a relationship, something what we see outwardly. Are we being realistic? No, it is the public image of a relationship. There is a lot of hard work put in that relationship to keep it happy and strong.

In the beginning of a relationship every thing seems to be rosy and sweet. Everything goes well and in a smooth way. You are happy with each other and in deep love. You find your world to be bliss. There is romance and love. With the passage of time all that love and romance vanishes away and you are left with conflicts, arguments and bitterness. You are disappointed. The reason behind it is our unrealistic expectations.

Your lover is not a superhero do not expect him to get moon from the sky neither your lover is a superwoman don�t expect her to be a magician. None of us are perfect. All of us have some faults and defects in us. We should learn to accept people with their faults and respect for what they are.

Whenever we get into a relationship we have great expectations from each other. We look out for all we thought and expected from our partners. Mostly we face disappointments as we expect too much from our partners and are unrealistic in our expectations. This often leads to a split in a relationship. Do not expect your man to hold your and keep loving you all day he has to go to work. Do not expect your woman to be working all day in the house she has her career to pursue. You have to be realistic in your approach and not live completely in a romantic world.

After you have a child your life becomes more demanding. You have added responsibilities. To have the same expectations of life filled with love and romance as during courtship is unrealistic when you become parents. There are more responsibilities to be filled in less time. You cannot avoid the work and time to be spent after your children. This automatically means spending less time with your spouse and less of romance. You should not be disappointed but be practical and whenever possible take out time for each other.

You should learn to understand your partner and know him/her well. You should be aware of the shortcomings of your partner. You should know the drawbacks of your partner. Do not expect him or her to that which you know is not possible for your mate.

You should learn to separate romance from reality. This does not mean that there should be no place for romance in a relationship but that you should also learn to be a realistic. Never ignore the reality and come out from your world of dreams. High and unrealistic expectations lead to disappointment.

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Destination Weddings: A Unique Wedding Experience

By Lesley-Ann Graham

It's a nice day for a white wedding. It can also be a great day for one that's not. Why not have a destination wedding and put lots of color in your celebration? Imagine getting married on an island paradise, whether under the moonlight or in the late afternoon, with an absolutely delicious buffet set up to celebrate the occasion with after. Instead of the typical bridesmaid's gowns, your entourage can be wearing "sarongs" instead to go with your "theme".

Advantages: You're wedding and honeymoon is already in one place taking out the need to pack twice. It can be very relaxing for both you and your guests, for some of them it will be the perfect vacation. For some of them, it might even become a second honeymoon. It can also be less expensive since you take out the cost of having a venue for the ceremony and the car to take you to the reception and honeymoon destination. That gives you more to enjoy with for your honeymoon itself.

Disadvantages: You're going to need to find somewhere near to house your guests and you do have to be clear on who's taking care of their bill. If the resort you've chosen is too far away, some of your loved ones may not be able to join you. It also means that the first day after your marriage some of your family will still be around and want to spend time with you (maybe because they haven't seen you in a while), which can interfere with your honeymoon agenda.

Ask your wedding planner about having this option for a more unique wedding!

Lesley-Ann Graham runs WeddingTrix.com - a valuable wedding planning resource with articles, tips and advice to help you plan your perfect wedding. Visit Lesley-Ann's wedding forum for more free wedding planning help and advice.