Are You Looking For Your Perfect Companion?

By Melody C.

Are you looking for Love by Design? Well you certainly have found the right place. A lot of people go through life completely unconscious and not knowing exactly what they want to have in a relationship until they get into a relationship and find that they don't have what they want.

It's sad but it's a true fact that the in our society people are not trained on how to understand relationships. Relationships are very simple, they are a mutual filling of needs and it is usually not until someone gets into a marriage or a relationship that they find that there are difficulties.

Usually we marry because of love and lust or attraction or we find someone who is pretty or handsome or they got a good job or they have ambition or they want to create a life or they want to have a family. You may have met them at a bar or meet them at school and you decide to fall in love and you have some things in common and you want to have kids and you decide to get married.

So many people do that when they are 18 or 20 or in their early 20s up until their 30s now. People are basically uncomfortable and they don't really make a Love by Design. A Love by Design is really ultimately the way to create a relationship by designing the perfect love for you and the perfect relationship for you.

Now there are 2 reasons why people break up in relationships. Dr Rob Bilton, who is the Director/Counsellor of the Centre for Life Management, co-author of "The Utimate Love by Design Package" and my life partner) and I have been counselling couples for years at the Centre. We find that if you look at all the hundreds of thousands of cases that we see every year it usually boils down to 2 main reasons why people aren't creating the relationships of their dreams and having their Love by Design.

The first reason is they are not really compatible, although they may have some compatibility in some areas. Maybe they like bowling or hiking or going to the same movies, but they may not be compatible in their visions, they may not be compatible in their timing or when they want to have children.

They may not be compatible in their workstyle or lifestyle or where they want to live. One person wants to go out and live in the country, and have a small little market garden in a dairy farm and the other one wants to live near the beach on the coast of California and pursue their Ph.D.

In this case they have two different visions, it is actually the visions and the values that are the glue that holds relationships together. In fact, it's not so much looking at each other, it's looking at the same direction together. That is what values and visions do. So you may be totally in love with somebody, and may get a long in some areas, but you may be fundamentally not compatible.

For example, my partner, Rob Bilton, was with this young lady Lucie and she was a very lovely woman. However, Rob wanted children at the time and Lucie had hers and wasn't interested in getting children at that time, so that is an example of incompatibility.

The other reason why relationships have a tendency not to work out that we see at the Centre is because of people who are not that functional and are not able to have the skills that make successful relationships work.

They in fact may have picked up bad habits or toxicities from their family of origin and from their early relationships that wreck an otherwise good or compatible relationship.

So ultimately when you are going out there and wanting to create a Love by Design, it is good that you screen for compatibility and functionality. The other thing is that if you are in an existing relationship, you can see what you have and see if fact if your partner is functional.

Then you can take action and read some of our books, consulting or counselling to improve on your functionality and if you are not compatible in some areas then you can shift that or you can accept that or compromise. There are always ways of doing that. If you are really fundamentally incompatible, (which is something that we will talk about in some of our teachings on deal breakers), then you may have a life decision to make.)

Melody Chase is the co-author of "The Ultimate Love By Design Relationship - Find Out If HE or SHE Is The One For You!". She is a professional counsellor and writer who has helped thousands of individuals and couples find and attract true love at the relationship centre run by herself and her husband Dr Robby Bilton. Get Instant FREE Access to SPECIAL REPORTS By Melody Chase at http://www.LoveByDesignBook.com.

President Bush has Declared; Marriage is Between a Man and a Woman

By Lance Winslow

The debate over gay marriage is raging on in Internet Forums, the streets of America and in the halls of Congress; will the issue ever be solved to everyones liking? The chances are it wont as the two sides are about as diverse as they could be with another fringe group within each side of the group.

You see you have the Gay and Lesbian Community and then on the other side the Christian Right, well at least a good number of them more than just their "Burn in Hell You Heathen" Fringe, seems so adamant about the controversy of Gay Marriage. Going solely on their literal interpretations of a few verses in their Religious Literature. Too bad really, as you would think if you love thy neighbor you would want them to be as happy as possible, free from want and generally allowed to choose their destiny while fully exercising their rights to pursue happiness.

Both sides of the argument have gotten out of hand at times. And so often the Burn in Hell you Heathen Scum is used as a salutation or You ignorant invisible friend worshiper, Homophobic is used.

I wish both sides would step out and see the other sides perspective. We have fear of the sanctity of marriage on one hand and on the other hand a demand for civil rights, which are not exactly spoken for in the Constitution and probably not exactly what the religious gentleman of the time considered appropriate, but when you talk about civil rights in the demeanor and fervor that they did in their personal letters and correspondence it overwhelmingly seems to be a Yes vote for the rights of the individual.

And that of course has to include all Americans, regardless of an after thought of sexual connotation in the present period. Indeed the rights of the individual do trump the religious belief systems as there is also a separation of Church and State. I am for individual rights for all, as long as they do not trample my rights to pursue my own destiny. Time will fix this issue; mark my words. It will all change in the future, as change is a constant you can always count on. Consider this in 2006.

"Lance Winslow" - Online www.WorldThinkTank.net/

Wedding Vows: You Only Get One Chance

By CJ- Instant Wedding Vows

How many hours have you spent trying to write your special marriage vows only for them to end up in the trash? In your mind you have spent many hours going over and over exactly what you want to say to the love of your life, to your soulmate, but when you try and write it on paper, it just doesn't sound right!

I know that creating the Perfect Wedding Vow is difficult for many grooms and brides and it can become over whelming because you want it to be just perfect because you only get one chance, unless of course you are renewing your vows.

Instead of knocking yourself out I have listed a few tips that will assist you in writing your own wedding vow that youll be proud of and your loved one will cherish for the rest of your lives!

Write from your heart. Pick out a few words that remind you of your finance and put them done on paper. Then start by blending in more words until it comes together. I know it sounds easy, but try it a few times and you may have a wonderful and straight-from-the-heart wedding vow.

Start your vow out with Remember when...and embellish on this statement, go back to a time you first met or a time that was very memorable to you and build your vow around that.

If you are getting married in a religious ceremony make sure you check with the officiant to see what words you should stay away from.

When youre writing your vows decide if you want them to be traditional, funny, romantic, or original this will help eliminate they way you word your vow.

Write a few sample wedding vows and add or take out from them to complete a perfect vow!

If you get writers block dont worry, take a deep breath, go get a drink, walk outside for a minute to get some fresh air and then continue. Dont get frustrated!

Make sure you and your fianc are the same wave length and agree to writing and sharing each others vows on your wedding day.

Ask yourself these questions and then write the answer down, this will help in creating your personal wedding vow:

1. What is the most important thing you love best about your partner (the way they love you, their smile, their willingness to give, etc)

2. What does marriage mean to you? Why do you want to spend the rest of your life with your fianc?

3. When did you know the person you are about to marry was truly the one for you? The one that you know was a match made in heaven?

If you both are poem lovers there are many websites that have some beautiful poems that would work perfect for wedding vows, of course you will have to improvise by removing some of the words and adding your own.

Practicepracticepractice

If all else fails and you have absolutely had it, your mental block will not go away, your frustrated, stressed and running out of time, you can always consult an expert or get some ideas from a family memberdont be afraid to ask.

I wish you the best of happiness as you travel down the journey of life - loving, learning and growing together!!

This article was written by http://www.InstantWeddingVow.com saving you time, stress and a simplified answer to creating and writing your own wedding vows!

A Boomers Journey to Forgiveness

By Amy Sherman

Over the years you may have built up resentments and hostility towards others and the pain, anger and even hatred has festered, causing physical and emotional distress. Perhaps you were hurt so badly that the memories are too difficult to review or the situation is beyond anything you could repair. Is it possible to gather up the courage and commitment to give yourself a special gift and that is to begin the process of forgiveness? Forgiveness is something you do for your well-being, not for others. It is a gift you give to yourself, a gift that helps you make peace with your past and brings harmony to your present.

Why should you forgive? Because the benefits outweigh the effort. A person who is able to forgive is free to love others, as well as him/herself. Forgiveness does not mean you forget. It means you settle the inner turmoil by letting go of the destructive thoughts that harbor inside and cause you distress and discomfort. To forgive means you take back control of your life and dissolve the dismal cloud that follows you wherever you go.

Ask yourself the following questions to gain some personal insight:

1. Are you worth more than the unsettling feelings you harbor?

2. How much effort are you willing to put into freeing yourself of this burden?

3. Can you take 100% responsibility for choosing to feel the way you do?

4. Is joy and happiness a possibility for you?

It takes maturity, some understanding and a belief that this test may be your greatest personal challenge. But, when you unlock those thoughts that kept you captive and in pain, you become renewed and liberated and can move on without the emotional baggage.

Its an amazing feeling to forgive and a worthwhile lesson to learn. Because you do it for your emotional as well as your physical welfare, you become the victor, no longer persecuted by unpleasant memories from the past.

Amy Sherman, LMHC, is a licensed mental health counselor in private practice. Amy is the author of the ebook, "Distress-Free Aging: A Boomer's Guide to Creating a Fulfilled and Purposeful Life". She specializes in issues specific to the 40+ generation and is available for telephone coaching and face-to-face therapy. For more information, go to amysherman@bummedoutboomer.com or by phone at 561) 281-2975.

Time For A Quickie!

By Sharon Jacobsen

Technique! We seem to have become obsessed by it! There are probably thousands of books offering detailed explanations of ways to make love to your partner. But what about spontaneity? Where's that gone? What about the pleasures of the impromptu quickie? You're both horny, there's a raw urgency in the air, and you need it NOW!

Some women are afraid to let their partner know that they'd like a quickie. Supposing he misinterprets it and thinks you just want a quick shag that can be over and done within next to no time because you can't be bothered with the 'real thing'? The truth is, if you're horny and lusting for him, wanting a quickie will just show how much you still fancy him on a physical basis. You wouldn't feel irked at being desperately wanted by the bloke you fancy most, would you?

Sex serves many purposes and variation is no bad thing. One purpose is the reinforcement of that private bond which exists only between the two of you; something nobody else can share in. For this reason, having a quickie in a 'forbidden' situation can actually strengthen the relationship. When everybody is in full swing at the party, a couple that go outside and urgently make love have a secret that's theirs alone.

The excitement of being found out is also frequently linked with quickie sex. Having a quick romp in a semi-public place (such as behind the garage at the above mentioned party) can be highly stimulating. The feeling of 'naughtiness' often leads to intense arousal, culminating in delicious sex that's equally as good as the sex we'd ordinarily have in our comfortable beds with plenty of foreplay.

The term 'sex-positions' takes on a whole new meaning with quickie sex and couples often find themselves in positions that they'd never have otherwise experimented with. Old pieces of furniture, a wall, a washing machine or anything else that happens to be close by comes into its own when no-frills sex is on the menu.

One or both partners are usually partially dressed, something which in itself can be very arousing. Being held up against a wall with one breast outside your bra, your knickers around your knees and trying not to kick those litter bins for fear of attracting unwanted attention.... well, it could just as easily be a fantasy!

There's no right time or place for a quickie. Only your imagination can limit where and when. If you really want it, you'll find a place or situation that will be suitable for a bout of urgent sex. The kitchen table, the garden shed, or even a toilet seat will do. Just keep one thing in mind - no matter how desperate you are, it really isn't a good idea to subject unwitting by-passers to your amorous frolics. There are plenty of exhibitionists around, but we aren't all voyeurs!

Happy bonking!

About The Author

Sharon grew up in East London but moved to Norway at the age of 19, returning to England in 1998. She now lives in Cheshire with her partner and two of her three children. Besides writing, she is currently studying Social Science with The Open University, runs a web site where women in the UK can meet other women for platonic friendship (www.friendsyourway.co.uk), potters in her garden, knits and reads everything she comes over.

s.jacobsen@friendsyourway.co.uk

8 Secrets for Working from Home with Your Spouse and Keeping the Romance Alive!

By Karla Ruzycki-Davis

Do you ever wonder how couples are able to work together within the same home or office space day after day? I often wondered this as I watched my own parents share an office space in the basement of our old house. Well, I now know how to make this union work under the same roof while keeping my sanity!

If you work from your home or from an office space with your spouse you know how frustrating it can be at times. Work and home time can often cross into the wrong areas if we are not careful to separate them. This time can also be very rewarding and special, and we should consider ourselves blessed if we have the freedom of working from home. It can provide comfort, flexibility, and a sense of real teamwork!

Here are 8 Tips to consider when sharing your office space:

1. GIVE EACH OTHER SPACE FREE FROM DISTRACTIONS

After all, your home office is still your office and the purpose is to get work done and make things happen! Regardless of your specific profession, nobody is getting anything done if you are constantly distracting or being distracted. It is never a good idea to ask your spouse a question while they are taking a phone call, our minds need to be focused on the task at hand. The question can wait until after they are of the phone. Likewise, poking your head in and checking in to ask about trivial things that can wait until after work hours will drive your spouse crazy and not let them be as productive.

Try to find a space that has a door as it will provide quiet when required and lets the other person know when it is not okay to enter. At the very least try to keep your desk area separate. Use common sense and your discretion here. Always think of how you would want to be treated.

2. TRY TO MAKE TIME TO EAT LUNCH TOGETHER

Even if for only 15 minutes, try your best to eat lunch together. This serves as a time to catch up on each other's day or go over those 'small details' that would otherwise be saved for later such as groceries, kid items, etc. This not only allows the two of you to connect but it ensures that you don't work through the whole day without eating which can often happen when you are busy within a home environment.

3. MAKE BOUNDARIES FOR WORK AND PERSONAL HOUSEHOLD CHORES

It is easy to get caught up in folding towels, picking up dry cleaning, and watering the garden but remember you have limited business hours to access clients and get the job done. Try to save these smaller tasks for the weekend or evening, or do some on your lunchtime. It is great to have the flexibility to get it all done at home but some of us do not have the discipline to stay focused once we are taken of track.

Likewise, the kids are not going to be thrilled nor are you if your spouse spent 4 hours fiddling with a household chore instead of working on the business to now have to catch up on a Saturday. I am not saying that you cannot blend the two but know your boundaries so that you keep the family peace and stay productive!

4. MAKE PLAY TIME DURING THE WORKDAY

Yes, you heard me-PLAY! Even if for 5 or 10 minutes. You can bring your honey a snack, or read an interesting/funny email you received. One thing that works well for my husband and I is to look for the other when taking a water break, quick stretch or bathroom break. Simply just find your spouse, ask them how everything is going and give them a kiss and/or hug to let them know that you love and appreciate them. It seems like a simple thing but it means a lot in the long run and creates a further sense of peace and contentment, not to mention the desire to go the extra mile!

5. RESPECT PRIVACY DURING NON-WORKING HOURS

Just because you work with your spouse within the home, unlike the common corporate office, does not mean that there should be any less privacy! At times it may be tempting, but it is never a good idea, to read their mail/ e-mail, look through drawers or snoop through receipts. Treat their office as if it was not in the home. If it needs to be cleaned ask them what their preference is if you do need to go in there. This goes without saying, after all you would not snoop through a colleagues desk!

6. SURPRISE EACH OTHER AS IF YOU WORKED IN SEPARATE OFFICES

This is to keep the excitement and spark that some claim is already lost after marriage, but more so when you work within the same 4 walls. Surprise your spouse as if you would if thinking about them from afar. Send your spouse some flowers or a plant 'just because' or for a special occasion! This is not only a nice gesture, it will brighten up your home office where they can be enjoyed all day. My husband and I like to give each other small cards when we know the other will least expect it to show our appreciation for each other. Another idea is to call your sweetie and tell them how much you appreciate them while you are driving en route to see a client or run an errand. It only takes 3 minutes and you will have a more enjoyable work and home environment as a result!

7. HAVE A SEPARATE HOME AND OFFICE PHONE NUMBER

I have worked in sales long enough to tell you how unprofessional it sounds when you call a client and their spouse or child answers the phone saying "Dad, phone for you!" As many couples start a business the issue of cutting expenses is important. This is the one time I would say it is well worth your money! You want to appear as though you are larger than you actually are and appear to be a step above your competitors. Having 2 separate lines also saves you from distractions as you now avoid taking personal home calls during office hours and vice versa. You also get to free yourself from a lot of telemarketers!

8. MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF

During the day you see so much of one another that booking time with friends or spending some 'alone time' becomes essential. You might already visit on the weekend with your friends or extended family but doing this during the week is a great way to break up all the hours you are with your spouse. A 20- minute walk on your own, a trip to the local bookstore/hardware store, yoga class, or dinner with friends is needed as to not drive each other crazy. This keeps you and your marriage fresh. You need something daily to talk about other than work! It might be time to get that gym membership you have been thinking about. Your health will improve and so will your marriage. Balance is key, so try to spend at least 30 minutes per day doing something on your own and I guarantee you won't regret it!

Karla Davis is the President of Restoring Order. She is a Home Stager, Professional Organizer, Interior Re-designer, as well as Public Speaker. She specializes in Staging and Organizing homes, office spaces and has over 10 years of experience and success within inside/outside Sales and Marketing. Karla is also the wife of Author, Paul Davis and is currently writing two books of her own. Karla's life mission is to positively transform the homes and lives of everyone she meets.

Please contact Karla for your Home Staging,Professional Organizing, Interior Redesign, or Professional Speaking needs at:

Karla Davis
Restoring Order
P.O. Box 684
Goldenrod, FL 32733
U.S.A.
W: (407) 284-1705
http://www.paulnkarla.com

How Husbands Love Their Wives by Writing an Affirmative and Effective Note

By Dave Pipitone

There are many articles that cover the mechanics for writing love letters, like the eight rules for personal love letters or writing to express your love and admiration during treasured moments. But one question is underneath the actually writing, "How do I compose a positive and loving letter to my wife?"

Before I share three points of awareness that I have realized, let's explore the top, current influences and thinking on marriage that can affect our beliefs. Let me rephrase the second half of that last sentence. Let's examine some of the prevailing ways we think about marriage that can affect how we envision our spouses.

We live in a modern society and age that is heavily influenced by a dominant media. While each of us has the power to make our own choices, it is easy to get swept away by group-think that plants weeds contrary to marriage, a husband's role and what makes an intimate and lasting friendship.

The predominant media influence is television. In the United States, movies, sitcoms and reality TV shows attract very large audiences. Whether we personally watch these shows or not, friends regularly talk about what happened on the "show." Many of these shows depreciate how husbands contribute to a marital relationship and play up to dog fights in a marriage for the sake of amusing humor. There are even cartoon shows in prime time that poke fun at the embattled, selfish husband who has to cover up his scheming to keep his wife from finding out about his adventures, whatever those might be.

The second forceful media influence is the popular print publications such as newspapers, tabloids and "relationship" periodicals. Headlines shout throughout our waking moments to sell copies about astounding revelations of celebrity divorces, separations, affairs and more. For those who devour these stories, one's thinking is cast that this is the way marriage is supposed to be. So, what do these two situations have to do with husbands writings a positive and loving letter to their wives?

In the early 1900s, James Allen wrote a very small book, "As a Man Thinketh." Mr. Allen posed the verifiable truth, "we become what we think about." If we husbands allow our thinking to get swept away by absorbing the prevailing media messages about husband and wives, it will be very difficult to write a positive and loving letter. The answer is to avoid the negative and create a positive environment that supports uplifting thinking and inspiring values. Where can we men look to do that?

First, we need to locate and participate in a network of loving, happily married couples. This could be a marriage support group or enrichment program at church, a Marriage Encounter weekend or continuing dialog group, neighbors or families where marriage is revered..

Second, we need to observe our own thoughts. Absorb praiseworthy thoughts about marriage and about our wives. This can involve recalling the happy times in marriage and reflecting upon the traits admired most about our wives. On the action side, making plans to do more activities together reinforces the positive thinking. In his book, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," Dr. John Gottmann outlines a seven week course in fondness and admiration.

For five days a week, a husband considers a positive thought about his wife and then takes action upon it. When I took this course for my wife, I took the exercise to another level by creating cards for each day and then writing a note to my wife that I gave to her. Doing that really put my money on the table when I shared my thoughts like that with her. I declared my intent and was being accountable at the same time. The exercise came at the right time, when my wife's mother entered a nursing home and our young daughter struggled with a health issue. My wife was overwhelmed by the show of personal support and affirmation. It made a real improvement in how I consciously communicated with my wife.

Third, a husband's ability to write loving words to his wife hinges on vocabulary. It is a well-known fact that women are more adept in relationships than men are. Men need to take acting lessons before they can star in the emotional intelligence theater. One way to develop a love language is to take some time to read love poems, greeting cards and samples of other love letters. It is perfectly acceptable for a husband to ask his wife what she would like him to write to her. If he makes convey to use his own feelings of fondnness and admiration, a husband can write a positive and loving letter that will make a powerful impact.

Dave Pipitone is a professional communicator and happily married husband to Cheryl and doting father to Emily. Husbands can find more valuable information about improving their http://www.songofourmarriage.com.

Thinking about Divorce? Think Money Money Money

By Cindy Hide

Thinking about divorce?

Heres your new mantra:Money, money, money, moneyMONEY! (hum to the classic tune For the Love of Money by The OJays)

A marital dissolution or divorce includes paying your attorney, court costs, and your living expenses. Variable factors of the cost of your split will include: the complexity of your case, the integrity of you and your spouse, your cooperative spirit,the amount of attorneys fees, the area of the country in which you live, custody, mediated issues and jurisdiction.

Seeking professional advice in addition to your attorney provides insights in areas that your advocate might not specialize. This is especially true if you are determining a value for your business that will be part of your settlement. In this case you will need your own business evaluator.

Some of the valuable professionals to consider are: a family law attorney, a tax attorney, CPA, financial advisor, a forensic accountant, a business evaluator, a real estate broker (house or property appraisal,trust, wills, and estate attorney, and psychologist.

It is important to secure your one half of the marriage resources to fund your divorce. These resources could include cash, savings accounts, credit cards, equity in your home, a family loan, retirement plans, a divorce lien, sale of assets, increased income, a commercial lender, or the sale of your house.

Here are some practical tips: photograph all your property; copy all financial information in advance of filing such as bank statements, financial statements, loan applications, income tax returns, credit card statements, business telephone records, brokerage accounts, deeds, or anything of value or sentiment; and build a financial reserve if possible prior to filing.

Are you humming yet?

Cindy Hide, BA, JD, is Director of Divorce Education for Women and author of 7 Steps to Divorcing Wisely: Do I Stay or Do I Leave?: A woman's guide to pray, pause and ponder...She offers family law legal services, life coaching by phone, seminars, FREE e-tips and an on-line bookstore with instant downloads, videos, books, and jewelry to empower women in relationship transition. Visit http://www.DivorceEducationForWomen.com or call 713.599.0065.

Relationships: Resurrecting the Albatross

By Bill White

You might recall from school the old story Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge...

The Mariner's sin in killing the albatross was truly a sin against himself. But the sin began when the Ancient Mariner changed his perception of the good omen. Imagine your partner is the albatross. You first saw your partner as a good sign of clear skies ahead. But you shot the albatross and now it hangs around your neck. What happened? Your perception of the albatross (your partner) changed from good to bad. This may have been for valid reasons, or not. Now the question you have to ask is, has your partner really proven by actions that he or she doesn't love you? If he or she has been good but you are feeling resentment, then who is hanging the albatross around your neck? You are proving your negative point by making your beliefs real. You can do this by setting someone up for failure. If you expect someone to do something out of the ordinary or within a certain amount of time (only they don't know there is a time factor involved), or expect them to change a behavior that annoys you yet they don't know that it does, you are killing the albatross. And it will lay around your neck.

A very important part of relationships is realistic expectations of your partner. I know myself, I sometimes expect too much from my wife. The problem is not one in which one partner or the other isn't doing enough. It is one where both partners aren't doing enough of the right things as perceived by the other partner. The problem here is all about positive communication and teamwork.

And the albatross got its revenge. When I refer to an albatross in relationships, it is when one person hangs penance on another. This usually stems from unspoken resentment. The ideal of a relationship is to have an interaction that is mutually beneficial. You have an albatross when there is a dragging weight on one or both partners. Either one or both of you aren't being team players. We can often accuse the other partner of being the albatross, but sometimes that just isn't the case. We are creating the perception in ourselves that what we accuse our partner of doing is real by perceiving with a negative filter.

The way to remedy the situation is by having goal setting sessions and reaffirming a positive perception of your partner. It is amazing how if you think about how businesses are successful, you know they followed a well-defined plan. How often do we not have the same sort of plan in a marriage? What do you want out of life? What does your partner want? What are your expectations of your 40-s,50-s, 60-s? What are your partners? These are things that should be discussed and written down. If you know where you both want to go, you can make a plan to work together to get there. Know what each partner expects and include it in the plan. By following the plan, you know what is expected. It is measurable. Things that are measurable can be reached. Detail this plan. Tell each other what you need and how it can best be given to you.

The albatross manifests itself when a person expects without asking. When desire is unclear. The albatross makes you see your partner as the enemy. If you change your thinking back to perceiving your partner as your friend, amazingly it will become so. It is easy to misconstrue the intentions of your partner if you have embraced the reality that your partner is the albatross around your neck. We tend to prove to ourselves that which we believe. If you believe and affirm that your partner is a beneficial, loving partner in time that is exactly what they will be. We are not changing our partner, but our perception of our partner. So often we get in a rut of thinking that our partner is ill matched, or that they don't love us, or that they are wishing bad things on us. Sometimes these perceptions are brought on by things that were said in anger; other times they are lines we have drawn ourselves. If the ancient mariner could have just resurrected the albatross he would have been free from his penance. Resurrect your albatross and the living beacon of clear skies and your voyage to a happier relationship will be underway!

Until Next Week! Have a Happy Life!

Rasheed Ali (#1 Adversity Consultant) and Bill White (Syncronicity Expert) have just launched http://www.SolutionCoach.com -- a powerful business and success coaching site.

Marriage: The Soul Mate Marriage

By Jeff Herring

Marriage partners can be soul mates. This is the absolutely best type of marriage, although it is rare.

In recent years, books, songs, movies and other popular media have extolled the glories of the soul mate marriage. While it does exist in real life, it is a bit more difficult to come by than the popular culture leads us to believe and expect.

Signs of Soul Mates

• Connected at a soul-ullar level
• Each partner believes they got the better deal
• Passion is high and remains high
• Know each other well
• Take care of each other's heart

How to Get There

We are led to believe by the popular culture that one day you will look across a room, lock eyes with someone, and the two of you will be instant soul mates. While that does happen in the movies, it's important to remember that in the movies everyone has a script, know what is coming, and have as many takes as needed to get it right.

In my experience a soul mate relationship is intentionally created and actively maintained. Couples learn to see through each other's eyes, and keep the lines of communication open. Forgiveness flows freely as needed.

The bottom line to remember is that a soul mate relationship is not accidental, it is intentional.

Visit 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

3 RARELY USED Communication Tips You Can Master to Break Down Barriers Between You and Your Mate!

By Melody Chase

There have been many books about Communication, Communication Styles, and Conflict Resolution Techniques.

This article is to focus on the less common, but just as important areas of communication known as:

Body Language Tone Indirect Communication

Contrary to popular belief, as mentioned in the romantic comedy Hitch with Will Smith, words are only a small fraction of the communication.

In fact, according to Rob, (Director/Counsellor of The Centre for Life Management/LMC Relationship Centre, and Co-author of Love by Design http://www.LoveByDesignBook.com) says that the following is roughly how communication is divided.

10% of Communication is conducted through Words.
30% of Communication is conducted through Tone.
60% of Communication is conducted by Body Language.

So what does this mean? We spend the majority of the time focusing on what people are directly saying, but we are missing 90% of what people are really saying. It is no wonder then, that above and beyond couples not having the same communication modes, or not having relationship skills, miscommunication can also be occurring because we are not focusing on the full picture

Indirect Communication is also an alternate form of communication, because a person needs to listen to what is being said underneath the words, and not take the words at face value only.

Lets give some examples of the less well know forms of communication.

BODY LANGUAGE: When a couple comes for counselling, by the time they sit down on the couch together, we already have an idea of the dynamics of the relationship. How? By how they are sitting on the couch. Is the couple sitting on opposite ends of the couch? Are they sitting close together, are they leaning towards each other, away from each other? Is one couple leaning away from the other even though the other is leaning towards the other one? Is one person practically sitting on the other? Are they holding hands? Does someone have their arm behind the other one? Are they sitting forward, leaning back relaxed, or sitting up poker straight? Is someone fidgeting or restless? Is someone hugging a pillow, or putting a pillow between themselves and their partner? There is a lot going on, if one is aware.

It is important when communicating to be aware of ones body language. Often a person may shutdown by something the first partner is saying or doing, but are not saying anything, so the first partner continues unaware.

As an example, if someone shuts down, they may lean away from you, they may or may not be smiling, they may have a very tight, restricted look on their face. Their eyes will usually be directed away, looking down, or looking up and away. If they do maintain eye contact, chances are their arms will be crossed.

Arms being crossed is fascinating, in and of itself and has more than one meaning, but as the person doing the communicating and as the receiver of the communication it can send different messages. It may need to be checked out to prevent misinterpretation. Arms crossed could mean:

They are angry
They feel encroached upon or threatened
They are taking a stand or being stubborn
They feel anxious or uncomfortable
They are cold

TONE: We once had a couple come in to see us where the wifes main complaint was that she didnt like the way her husband talks to her. She said she told him time and again that he had to stop talking so angrily towards her, and she couldnt handle the intensity when they talked.

The husband was truly perplexed. He honestly though his wife must be hypertensive or looking into things that werent there because as he explained, he never yells or raises his voice towards her and he never says anything derogatory or mean to her. So what was going on?

When explained to him that it was his tone and intensity of his voice that was conveying anger, he responded by saying Tone? Whats tone?

He never knew that people can react to the tone of ones voice. He just thought communication was black and white, you are either yelling or not yelling.

Tone can be much more subtle, but just as powerful. Many years ago, when I was going through a marriage prep class with my 1st husband, one of the marriage prep teachers, pulled me aside one day and asked me, if I ever noticed the tone of my voice before. I said No, what are talking about? He said that I had a tone to my voice that said Im not worthy to people. Now, I was shocked at first because of this mans honestly and truth. But he was dead on with how I was feeling inside at the time, and to my surprise it was actually coming through in my tone.

So the bottom line, you may think you are just communicating with words, but there is a whole other conversation going on, that people can pick up by your tone whether it is intentional or unintentional.

Lastly, there is INDIRECT COMMUNICATION

It is very important to be a Direct Communicator, express what you feel, think or need directly. Communication is a very subjective art in the first place because everyone has filters when it comes to interpreting what other people mean due to your belief systems, your mood, past traumas, experience and education.

What one thing means to you may not have the same meaning to another person. So if you are the type of person who uses indirect communication to express your needs you are complicating your communication ten fold. You are opening up tons of new interpretations that are not necessary, in hopes of couching your needs or hoping that you are not going to cause a reaction from the person you are asking the request from.

The reality is that you are actually decreasing your chances of the person you are communicating with understanding what you want, plus you are potentially frustrating the other person with unclear messages. Sometimes, indirect communication can also cause the other person to feel like you are trying to control, care give or influence them, instead of stating what you want.

The following are some examples from a book called Relationships and Family Living by EMC publishing, about what they call Coded Messages, that is used in schools to help teach elementary students to learn how the decode indirect communication. See if you can interpret Coded Messages. The answer key is underneath

Coded Messages (See their corresponding Uncoded Messages Below): 1) " I wish I could get sick once in a while like Michael. He's so lucky.

2) " I got an "F" on this last English test. I can't get into studying. ________________

3) " I want to talk with you about Dave. He's gotten so he hates to come to school." ________________

4) " Daddy, please take me to the classroom for play school." _________________

5) "Why am I always the one being sent to detention? Everyone else was goofing around, too." _________________

6) "Dont' call my parents about what I did. Theyll ground me forever." ___________________

7) "I dont like class. It's noisy and I can't accomplish anything." __________________

8) "Why do we have to study spelling? That doesn't help me read faster." ___________________

ANSWER KEY (Uncoded Messages)
1) I don't want to go to school
2) He's blaming his F on his studying skills.
3) He's not coming to school.
4) I want to play.
5) I'm mad about detention. It's unfair.
6) I'll get in trouble.
7) I cant think when it's loud.
8) I'm a slow reader.

SOLUTIONS
So the following are suggestions for dealing with these forms of communications: 1) Be aware of your own Body Language, Tone and Indirect Communication.

2) Be aware of your partners Body Language, Tone and Indirect Communication.

3) If in doubt , check it out Ask always in a way so you are owning your own feelings or observations, such as I feel like you may be annoyed with me because I hear a sharpness in your voice, how do you feel? OR I noticed that your arms are crossed, how are you feeling or what are you thinking? If it is an indirect communication, feedback what you think they are saying and see if you have hit it on the nose or not. Sometimes, Indirect Communicators still wont tell you what they are really thinking, so reassure them that it is safe to voice their option or ask for what they want.

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Find Out What Kind of Wedding Gown Suits You

By Amy Spade

If images of white dresses are dancing in your head, then you must have been recently engaged. Of course, many women have had an image of their wedding in their head since the time they were born, but will the real life live up to your dream?

Capturing a personality

Although it may seem that all wedding dresses are alike, there are many ways to capture individual styles. White may be the traditional wedding gown color, but more brides are choosing off-white or a light cream as an alternative. This can show your fashion consciousness, while still remaining true to the traditional coloring.

If youre a bit more vibrant and outgoing, you may want to do something daring at your wedding. This thought may be accentuated if you are looking to do a themed wedding as well. Try a different color altogether. Do something wild like red or purple. While they might not be the standards, they will definitely liven up a wedding photo.

And if youre looking for a theme for your wedding, you will want to study related dresses to the time period or culture. If youre looking for something that is renaissance inspired, then you may want to look in costume shops for styles that can be turned into wedding gowns.

Using your body type

If youre looking for something that is flattering, then youre going to need to try on a lot of dresses before you do. But this is a good thing. Many times, brides find that their dream dress doesnt always look like the dream in their head.

For women who are shorter in stature, you may want to select a gown with longer lines and seams. Although your high heels will help to create a taller look, the cleaner and simpler the dress, the more it will elongate you. You should pick something that doesnt have a lot of detailing because it may cause the eyes to look at one particular area rather than you as a whole image.

For the taller woman who is looking to create a less lengthy style, you will want to find a dress with more detail toward the bottom of the dress. This helps to draw the eye away from the height.

All in all, whatever dress makes you feel beautiful is the one that is right for you. So, dont let convention or tradition stand in the way of your dream. Short or long, detailed or not, your wedding dress should reflect everything that you are feeling on your wedding day.

Amy Spade is an expert on planning weddings, and she has written an amazing totally free minicourse on how to make sure that you have the day of your dreams, and avoid wedding day disaster!

Get the free course "Your Special Day from Start to Finish" now at at http://www.weddingdata.com

Relationship Killers

By Terry Ross

Whether a relationship lives or dies largely depends on the individuals involved. What is seen to be an insurmountable relationship killer by one person will just be a minor challenge to another

Take infidelity for example, some relationships survive and even thrive by acknowledging either one or even both partners will seek sexual fulfilment, in part, outside the marriage but as a whole fidelity is paramount for a healthy marriage.

I was listening to the radio the other day when a girl stated that whether her marriage went ahead or not depended on how accurately her fianc้e could answer questions about her. I don�t know about you but if I had expected my partner to know all my likes and dislikes before we got married our relationship would have been dead in the water. As it is we wouldn�t have been without each other for the past 20 years.

Marriages have even broken up over one of the partners forgetting a birthday or an anniversary. I must confess that I don�t really want to be reminded of how quickly the years are passing me by and I�m equally prone to over looking special dates as my partner. What is more important to me is how we relate to each other throughout our lives and not just on one or two days of the year.

As you can see, what would totally destroy one marriage is perfectly acceptable in another it just depends on the characteristics of the individuals involved and, in some cases, the timing of events.

� One of the biggest relationship killers is most definitely infidelity. Many people struggle to understand and come to terms with such a betrayal but more importantly, struggle to regain the trust.

� Abuse is something which is tolerated far too often. No one should have to be subjected to any kind of physical, emotional or financial abuse. I only have one bit of advice to someone who is in an abusive relationship, get out, even if the abuse is only occasional. Even occasional abuse is unacceptable and it will only get worse. You can always return if and when they have sorted themselves out but no matter how much you have been promised that it will never happen again it always will unless you take a stand.

� Lack of ability to communicate is a real relationship killer. So many marriages have been thrown away through a lack of understanding and a total inability to communicate. Often all it would take would be for couples to learn how to listen to each other and many perfectly good marriages could be saved.

� Trust is so important in any relationship. If trust doesn�t exist it is very difficult to keep a relationship alive. Infidelity, gambling, drinking, drugs and financial spending are all strong and compelling reasons for not trusting your partner (among many others). A marriage can only usually be saved if the reason for the lack of trust is eliminated and both parties are prepared to forgive and forget. Unless you can let go of the past you cannot look to the future.

� Jealousy can often exist is cases when one partner is still friendly with someone they used to have a relationship with or when a new baby comes along and all �couple� time is eliminated or step parents can be jealous of their partners relationship with their children. Obviously the source of the jealousy can�t always be eliminated, you can sometimes stop seeing previous partners but you can�t exactly throw the baby out the window or banish the step children. Resolving jealousy comes back to communication, discussing and understanding the reasons for the jealousy and jointly devising an action plan to over come it.

� All too often the initial romance of any relationship often clouds people�s judgement when it comes to what both partners want out of life. A simple example is children, how many women get married knowing that they don�t want children or don�t want children any time soon but don�t communicate this to their partner. It is so important to be totally upfront. Other issues sometimes develop when one partner is far more ambitious than the other or just wants different things out of life. Unless your dreams of a perfect marriage are on the same playing field then it�s often a ticket to disaster. Couples need to be totally upfront and honest with each other both before and after marriage to ensure that the dreams and desires of both parties are met and fulfilled.

� Financial issues put a great strain on any relationship. Couples often divorce due to lack of money when all they really need to do is solve the core problem. And statistics obviously show that finance is far more of an issue once you are divorced. I was watching a programme the other day and this couple had survived 15 years living with parents while they saved up for a house. Enough to put a strain on any marriage. However, what I then realised was that they had three children, one of which was probably conceived very early on, and the wife had stayed at home to look after them. This left me thinking, wouldn�t their life have been much easier and wouldn�t that house have come quite early on in the marriage if they had just delayed their plans for a family and both worked for a deposit in those first couple of years. As it happened, their marriage actually survived the 15 years but how many others would have?

� To many it sounds strange, but a lot of married couples feel lonely, especially when their partners work long hours and/or spend periods of time away from home. Sometimes a partner will head to the pub, to the gym or to a mate�s, after work, or I know of many golfers who take a week or even two of their annual holiday to go off golfing without their family. In any relation ship there has to be a balance between work, personnel time and family / couple time.

� Lack of intimacy can often make people feel worthless, unwanted and unloved. Even if sexual relations have diminished or ceased a relationship can still survive through other types of intimacy, a kiss, a cuddle or a caress. Once intimacy ceases in any form partners often feel that they are no longer desired and it is inevitable that people who need an element of intimacy will seek affection else where.

� Many people often say they think their marriage is over when they no longer feel that they are that special person in their partner�s lives. It can become a real big deal when a couple settles down into married life and the romancing comes to an end. No more flowers, romantic diners, endless conversations while you learn all about each other. Perhaps the presents have stopped or less effort is put into making each other happy or children have taken priority. Of course the answer is so much simpler than heading for the divorce courts, just start making an effort and spend more quality time as a couple, bring the good times back. After all that�s just what you�d have to do if you were to start all over and how often to people realise far too late that the grass wasn�t greener.

� The break up of long term marriages can often be as a result of the children leaving home. Couples often have children early on in the marriage from which time their lives totally revolve around the children. Once the children have grown up and left home the parents are no longer comfortable with each others company and just don�t know what to do as a couple. As the children get older it is vital that couples start spending more time together no matter how difficult it is and learn to enjoy each others company without the children.

� Letting yourself go can be a real relationship killer especially if you were really good looking when you got married. If just one partner gets too comfortable in the relationship and feels they no longer need to make an effort it can become a major negative to the future of the marriage.

This is but a short list of reasons why marriages might fail and just because something on the list will destroy one marriage it doesn�t mean to say it will destroy another. Like people, all marriages are unique, the real key to saving your marriage is, understanding what is causing you to feel that your marriage is failing, recognising what action you need to take to put it right and having the determination and the desire to do so.

For almost every possible relationship killer learning how to communicate is critical, if you truly want to save your marriage.

http://saveyourmarriage.marriagehealth.com

Wedding Reception Favors

By Sarah Freeland

Planning a wedding is a very stressful and difficult thing to do. However, when the planning is done properly it will allow you to have a great wedding experience. While many brides like to focus their planning activities around their dress and locations, you should also set some time aside to pick out a wedding reception favor selection for your guests. These favors should fit in with the theme and style of your wedding, and they should demonstrate to your guests that you appreciate their love and support. To get wedding favor ideas you can visit novelty stores, read through bridal magazines, talk to a wedding planner, or read the rest of this and other articles.

One type of wedding favor that you can give out at your wedding is an elegant wedding favor. Elegant wedding favors are best suited for classically themed weddings, or weddings that are trying to create an elegant or traditional feel. While you may associate elegance with high prices, you can find elegant wedding favors at reasonable prices if you know where to look. Some of the elegant wedding favor options include: napkin rings with calligraphy place card settings, quilted purse boxes with mints or personalized wedding candy, wedding dress napkin holders, tuxedo napkin holders, fishing basket place card setting, and satin petal utensil covers.

The next group of wedding reception favors that you can buy for your guests is an engraved wedding favor. Brides who are planning a wedding on a tight budget may not think that they can afford to offer their guests engraved wedding favors, however, while some engraved wedding favors costs a lot of money there are many wholesale engraved favors that you can buy for less than $2 a favor. Some of the engraved wedding favors that are on the market today include: engraved glass wear, engraved frames, and engraved key chains.

If you plan on giving out a wedding favor gift bag then you will also want to select wedding favor gift tags. These tags come in a variety of styles and designs including religious, contemporary, romantic, and funny. When shopping for these tags look for a design that will fit with your wedding decorations and with the theme and style of your wedding.

For a sweeter wedding reception favor you can buy wedding favor candy. Many candy companies now offer customers the option of personalizing common candies. If you love M&Ms then you can order them for your wedding in colors that match your wedding colors, as well as personalize each candy. Hershey�s also offers candy bar personalization. In this instance the regular Hershey bar remains the same, however, the wrapper is personalized to reflect the name of the bride and the groom and their wedding date. Sweat hearts are another wedding option that you can order as a personalized wedding candy.

When looking for wedding reception favors you will want to shop around to get the best deals. Discount wedding favors can be easily found if you know where to look. Some discount options that are available include wedding favor wholesalers and novelty wholesalers. You can also find good deals on wedding reception favors by looking for bulk buying deals, clearance sales, and close out sales.

and honeymoon planning.

It is Always About Me, Isnt It?

By Dr. Linda Miles

A characteristic of childhood thinking is the child�s assumption that whatever happens �is all about me.� The tendency of children to blame themselves for their parents� difficulties causes them great pain, and if this kind of �it�s all about me� thinking persists into adulthood, it can do considerable harm to their personal relationships. As adults, many people still believe they are defective and that if people really knew them they would be rejected.

Children under the age of ten have yet to develop a concept of multi-causality. Consequently, they explain out-of-the-ordinary phenomena as having occurred because they made them happen. Young children do not see their overly critical parents for what they are�overly critical. As children they cannot understand that their parents might have, let us say, a drinking problem, which distorts their personalities and behavior. Rather, children believe that if they are criticized it must be because they really are bad and the proper cause of all the criticism that comes their way. Similarly, if things start to go wrong between parents, children think they are the reason or that they can provide the solution.

Several clients have brought home how extreme the discrepancy can be between the logic of the adult and the emotions of the inner child. In one case, Mary, a bright and attractive professional woman was trying to deal with a relationship breakup. She explained, �I really don�t know why I am so upset. This relationship had to end since he couldn�t get along with my daughter. He�d made it clear that he did not want to raise another child and since my child is only six he was unable to commit�so why am I devastated?�

I could have tried to assist Mary by strengthening her resolve, but she didn�t really need me for that. She was perfectly capable of coming up with every logical, rational reason under the sun why the relationship wasn�t viable and was best ended. She had intelligent friends to assist her with that, too.

My job was to redirect Mary to her childhood. Her own father had left the family when she was six. Using the child�s �it�s all about me� way of thinking, she had decided that if only she had been good enough, or worthwhile enough, her father would not have left. Her goodness would have made him stay. She felt the same way about her breakup with her boyfriend and was re-traumatized by it. Indicatively, she told me that there was a part of her that wanted to try to make the relationship work at any price, so that this time it would be different, even though she could see with her adult mind that the relationship was not really a good one. She didn�t even know the man that well. Talking it through, she became able to see that most of the feelings she had about her partner were a projection from the past and not based on reality.

When the final break came, Mary was able to be caring and not caustic or blaming toward him. She said, �I know that he is a good person and means well and has always been honest with me.� Saying this was progress for her, because in past relationships she tended to get angry with her partner and blame him for everything that went wrong between them. She had begun to make sense of the strength of her feelings, and her adult and child were more integrated. Working through the stages of the relationship without reverting to blaming her partner gave her an opportunity to deal with the pain in her past, understand herself more deeply, and become more conscious in relationships.

I have seen many individuals who believed that their partner�s bad behavior was their fault, thus taking responsibility for someone else�s destructive behaviors. One client told me that she had �caused� her husband to break her leg during a beating by saying something provocative to him. I attempted to explain to her that her partner�s assaultive behavior was not only illegal, but inappropriate, but to no avail. She persisted in believing that she was the �cause� of her partner�s physical attacks on her.

In my marriage, we have to be attentive to the tendency we both have to feel overly responsible for things. We usually have to work on getting our signals straight when one or the other of us is in a bad mood and withdrawing. We try to head off the possibility of the other feeling blamed or guilty by saying to each other things like: �I have had a really bad day and I feel like I need to withdraw, but it has nothing to do with you.� We find this kind of proactive measure very useful.

Copyright 2005 Linda Miles Ph.D

Author, Dr. Linda Miles, is deeply committed to helping individuals and couples achieve rewarding relationships. She is an expert with a doctorate in Counseling Psychology, and has worked in the mental health field for over thirty years. She has been interviewed extensively on radio, TV, and in newspapers and magazines. Find more relationship ideas and relaxation techniques on her web site and in the award-winning book she co-authored, The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth, and Train Your Brain: For Successful Relationships, CD. http://www.drlindamiles.com

Relationships are Opportunities

By Roy Klienwachter

Relationships are opportunities to express yourself physically, and gratitude is acknowledgement of an opportunity taken.

How do you see yourself in relationship to all others and your environment? Do you see yourself, as kind/cruel, loving/hateful, generous/stingy, peaceful/restless or something else?

If you know yourself as one of these, then you will have a desire to express yourself in some way.

Relationships are opportunities to express these aspects of self. An opportunity is nothing more than a time and place to demonstrate that you are a kind person or a cruel person or whatever. All of life needs to express itself, and getting involved with another is that opportunity that you have drawn to yourself to say "here I am," "I am kind," "I am cruel," or anything else that you wish to express.

This is the purpose of the relative world. It is the forum, the time and place to experience what you believe that you are and to declare it.

Personal relationships with lovers, partners, family, relatives, friends and strangers facilitate expression of your being. Without relationships you would be nothing because you could not express yourself and you could not declare that you are one thing or the other.

You cannot demonstrate love unless you have the opportunity to experience love, and you cannot say that you are loving unless you have the opportunity to be loving.

With the opportunity to express oneself in a relationship comes the responsibility to express gratitude for the opportunity. Gratitude is merely an acknowledgement of having a thing. It is a declaration of ownership.

If you have received a thing, then you must acknowledge it before it becomes yours. "I am grateful," merely says that I have received what I desired.

All relationships work, because they are opportunities to express yourself positively or negatively. They may be accepted or rejected, but nevertheless they are opportunities and they must be acknowledged through gratitude. It is the human condition to say that a relationship worked or it didn't, but at a different perspective all relationships work. With this higher thought, one begins to see all of life as a giant buffet. One begins to see abundance and opportunity in an endless sea of choices. And because this new awareness sets one free to choose, you will always see opportunity and welcome relationships, good or bad!

Marriage and divorce are such opportunities. They are perfect times to express your higher self and your darkest side. Close partnerships bring the best opportunities because they are the closest and most difficult to turn away from. There is urgency to react to the issues at hand because they are in your face.

They are wonderful opportunities to act or react in your own best interest. The person in you life that you are at odds with the most, offers you the greatest opportunity to demonstrate who you are.

"Good or bad," "right or wrong," are poor ways to describe relationships. All relationships are good, and all relationships work for you, even if it is an opportunity to walk away from them. And all of these opportunities are drawn to you by yourself because of your desire to express yourself.

The driver that cuts you off in traffic brings opportunity for you to react. At that moment at some level of your consciousness you need to experience, anger, pity, tolerance or understanding. This careless driver is an Angel (opportunity) that you asked for, whether you can fully appreciate it in the moment or not. In a higher state of awareness you would bless him/her for their gift (opportunity) to you.

Even in so called failing relationships there are just as many opportunities to express or experience yourself because there really is no such thing as a failing relationship. There is only an opportunity for you to see that the relationship as failing or not. There are new opportunities here to restore the relationship, walk away from it or turn it into something even better or worse. There is a chance to suffer in it or rise above it.

Physical love is a poor reason to enter into a relationship blindly. Love is life, and life moves. Unless the partners are prepared to grow in a relationship it is doomed to fail in physical terms. Relationships must always be a declaration of self growth and opportunity.

Over time, physical love may no longer be experienced but the opportunities for growth never dies and one may still be able to express gratitude for the opportunity that the partner has brought them. If relationships are seen as opportunities then it is always a win/win experience for all persons involved.

Relationships are also opportunities for one to reflect on self. If you can put yourself into the position of the silent observer, you can reflect on your experience and make adjustments to your thoughts about all the issues that came up. You can choose to see the relationship as only positive and beneficial to you.

Relationships that are seen as only good or bad, right or wrong are doomed to only those choices. Seen as opportunities, they all become beneficial and good. Relationships cannot be experienced as good or beneficial until they are acknowledged through an expression of gratitude.

Roy E. Klienwachter is a resident of British Columbia, Canada. A student of NLP, an ordained minister, New Age Light Worker and Teacher. Roy has written and published seven ebooks on New Age wisdom and a new book coming out in late 2005 in paper form. Roy's books are thought provoking and designed to empower you to take responsibility for your life and what you create. His books and articles are written in the simplicity and eloquence of Zen wisdom.

You may not always agree with what he has to say. You will always come away with a new perspective and your thinking will never be the same.

Roy's style is honest and comes straight from the heart without all the metaphorical mumble jumble and BS. For More articles visit our new Article directory at http://www.klienwachter.com/adarticles

Visit Roy at: http://www.klienwachter.com

Arranged Marriages - A Few Tips

By Raveendran Nambyar

Arranged Marriages- a few tips

When the children grow up, the parents are concerned. After the education, they seek and find employment. If it is a boy, they realize, he can stand on his own legs now. Let�s get him married and settle down. If he is staying away from them, may be another town, it is better. A home of his own, they look at him and dream.

If it is a girl, they are a little more concerned. She had her education, and found employment. In the world today, they realize and accept that, the employed girl has a better chance to get married. She attracts more proposals. You can not let her continue to be free like that for a long time. Many things can happen! The world out there can not be trusted. What all things you read in the News paper, these days. May be she will elope with somebody. She watches too many movies, you know. The Romeo can be just any body, no caste, no creed, and no family. Let�s find someone fast.

After the marriage, they can raise a family. The girls� salary will fatten the family kitty. When they have children of their own they will need a lot of money, may be a flat in the city. What all dreams the parents have! Back to the real world, they better find a good proposal, fast.

There are so many matrimonial websites. PC at home and an internet connection, make things easy. Why not? Register their names in two or three selected websites, it�s free. No need to pay until you find a few �suitable� cases. Collect the details and horoscope copies. Try to have it verified by some �good� trustworthy astrologer.

�Paapa-griha� match should be there, and �dasa-sandhi� should also be �a good match�. After these two are �good match�, go on to stars, this star-match stand second in the order of preference. More than four out of 10 star-matches, will allow you to proceed further. After the horoscope verification, go for a second opinion, it always helps. Double checking, will let you relax!

Look For A Bride Online - Getting an Asian Bride Online

Dating Bliss For Singles and Those In a Relationship 10

By Sebastian Foss

SEXUAL FAMILIARITY BEFORE MARRIAGE CAN BE VERY DEADLY

Sexual immorality and sexual perversion has surprisingly become a major problem in the church especially among youths Engagement is not a guarantee for sexual familiarity.

Sexual familiarity like kissing, necking, snuffing, romance erotic contacts, fumbling and actual sex is ungodly and destructive outside marriage.

Even hugging can be very dangerous under some circumstances God created sex to be enjoyed within the confine of marriage and anything outside that is evil and attracts divine consequences.

KEEP YOURSELF PURE AND YOUR BED UNDEFILED.

Many people have had their dreams shattered and their life shattered due to pre-marital sex. You cannot eat your cake and have it. So before you disobey God next time, think of the consequences of the act.

CHECK YOUR ASSUMPTIONS BEFORE COMMITMENT

Assumption is the lowest level of knowledge and when we assume, our knowledge is on zero level. Don�t assume thing without verifying for assurance before marital commitment. You have to be sure of the following.

- Do you want children and how many?

- How do you relate with in-laws?

- Will there be squatters in your home?

- Where will you both settle in i.e house location?

- Where will be your place of worship etc.

�He should know� and she should know� always equals to �no one knows� so refuse assumptions. A man got married and assumed that the wife wanted children only to discover few years later that she had been using pills without his knowledge.

GUYS AVOID CANOPY MINISTRY

Jesus rebuked the Pharisees because they wait at the gate of the Kingdom without going in, and they also hinder those that want to go in.

Some guys have taken upon themselves the canopy ministry of standing as fence to some ladies all in the name of brotherly care.

They operate like mafias and hinder such ladies from being exposed to wholesome relationships that will bless them. They monopolise the ladies and also operate on an undeserved possessiveness of the lady�s time. Even though they have no formal relationship or intention to marry such ladies.

Even though it is alright for guys to shield the ladies from church wolves who claim to be brother�s but have a deadly mission. It should not be taken to the extreme.

Ladies too should remove these canopies from their heads so that they can connect to wholesome relationships. May your bodyguard not become your prison warden.

AVOID THE DOUBLE DATING SPIRIT

It is unfortunately true that some single Christians have allowed some worldly and devilish wisdom to operate in them.

To date two people at the same time with the plan of choosing the most suitable is an ungodly and demonic attitude. It is a sign of insecurity, and spiritual shallowness.

To have more than one man/woman in your life at a time is prostitute, so single Christians should trust God absolutely and operate on God�s pattern for victory.

Double dating is a dangerous game that has negative consequences.

A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

James 1:8

DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WANT TO BE DONE UNTO YOU.

How will you feel if you suddenly discover that the person you�ve given your total commitment to is having someone else apart from you? Selah.

Top Secrets For Singles And Married For Use By Men Or Women http://secretsforsinglesandmarried.blogspot.com

Dating Advice: What Is It That Can Define A Relationship?

By Greg Alan

People are compatible on many levels � Opposites sometimes attract and detract; sexual and appearance attraction; intellectual attractions. But one common defining aspect of a long-term relationship like marriage, is children and whether or not one or the other wants to be involved in raising them.

For most males and females, the urge to procreate�or �biological clock� is a ticking time bomb. As much as one can say �they never want children� publicly, the private and deep seeded need to have children is always there.

Noted psychologist Abraham Maslow proposed in his 1943 paper A Theory of Human Motivation:

"�that as humans meet �basic needs�, they seek to satisfy successively �higher needs� that occupy a set hierarchy��

One of the �higher needs� include family. Sex itself, is considered a basic need, but having more to do with the need to reproduce and �extend the bloodline� than the simple pleasure we all get from it.

Now, from someone who is not a psychologist but an average Joe, this all seems rather technical. But the scientific reasoning is sound according to research at the University of Chicago and University of California at Santa Barbara done in May of 2006.

"�Women are able to subconsciously pick up cues of interest in children in men�s faces and use those cues to determine if they are attracted to them for long-term relationships�"

And this stunner�it doesn�t really matter how attractive physically you are�

"�an important factor in their attraction to men for a long-term relationship was their perception of a man�s affinity for children, even after accounting for their perceptions of men�s general kindness�Our data suggest that men�s interest in children predicts their long-term mate attractiveness even after we account for how physically attractive the women rated the men��

In his Familiaris Consortio (translation: �On the Family�) #15 the former Pope, John Paul II identified �the Family� as the building block of society�

��it�s fundamental task, the procreation of children�(and that) the value of a childless married relationship can be enhanced by the involvement�of children other than their own, by adoption, fostering, teaching, or charitable work with the sick or disabled��

Even if you aren�t Roman Catholic (and I�m not), his reasoning certainly can extend to relationships for those who don�t intend to have children. Newlyweds themselves are a potential family�no one is arguing that they shouldn�t consider themselves a family if they don�t have children, are they? No one ceases to be a family upon the death of their only child�and brothers and sisters don�t cease to be a family if they lose their parents.

In other words: Family values don�t necessarily mean reproductive values. For our purposes, the ability and openness to a more lasting bond indicates the value of a solid relationship.

Greg Alan is NOT a professional relationship counselor, but recently published a book on successful dating tips. It's available on his website at Dating Discovery Secret.

Dont Postpone Your Marriage for Money: Wedding Loan Now Available

By Steve C Clark

If you got engaged then now you must be planning for a grand wedding celebration. But you are scared too. Because to organize a grand wedding function you have to spend heavily. According to a study the national average of wedding costs about ฃ22,000. Most of the couples are geared to pay for their own wedding. An April 2004 survey shows 75% of people paying for their own wedding. But you have an option; you may go for wedding loan. Now you don�t need to be scared. A wedding loan is a specialized loan service that aims to cater to the borrowers who need finance for organizing weddings or meeting payments of a wedding already held. A wedding loan can help you explore every wedding fantasy in case money is short. Infact, recently, Wedding loans are gaining popularity in both rural as well as urban areas. Such a loan can also be availed under the personal loans category.

Cost of Loan and amount which can be borrowed

The rate of interest is based on the current market rate. Other factors such as your credit history, collateral, amount, payment duration etc also affect the rate of interest charged on wedding loan provided to you. If the borrower has a bad credit record, he will have to pay a higher interest rate. Similarly, if a borrower is offering his home as security, he will have to pay comparatively lower interest rate. To avoid uncertainty, borrowers normally prefer fixed rate of interest.

Again, loan amount varies from borrower to borrower, which is based on various factors such as collateral, credit record, source of income, income level, age, level of income & repaying capacity. Repayment is done through equated monthly installments (E.M.I.).

Application for Wedding Loan
Anyone having a source of income can apply for a wedding loan by filing the relevant form. Lenders usually charge a fixed amount as processing fee. In addition, lenders want documents to verify the credibility and income level as given below,
Proof of Identity
Residence Proof
Bank Statements to check borrowers� income and expense pattern (latest 6 months bank statement /passbook)
Lenders� also ask for salary certificate from the present employer.

Searching Wedding Loans

Once you decide to avail wedding loan, the search for wedding loan starts. Internet serves an important tool in conducting the search. Search engines like Google, Yahoo etc. provide links to thousands of loan providers who are offering wedding loans in the UK. Borrowers can easily appraise loan providers with the information given about them on their website, compare wedding loan deals through a loan calculator, and request wedding loan quotes from lenders who appear lucrative.

After screening lenders through a number of stages, you fix a lender for offering UK wedding loans. Since the requirements of borrowers differ, customized rather than standardized wedding loan deals should be asked for.

Borrowers must not take decisions without knowing in full about its present and future repercussions. As needs be, borrowers can consult the experts or independent financial advisors for a more detailed explanation of the term or any feature of wedding loans.

A word of Caution
Proper attention must be given to plan the budget of the wedding. The planning process may be fun, but the results obviously are unprecedented. Those associated with wedding plans should sit together and decide the various costs that may be incurred. In addition, a priority table is prepared so that a less important expenditure can be postponed or omitted altogether.

Steve Clark can tell you how to look better, live better and breathe better by giving you tips to improve your finances.He writes on loans. His ideas can help you rejuvenate your money.To find Personal loan UK,homeowner personal loan visit http://www.ezpersonalloansuk.co.uk.

Pre Marriage Counseling

By Ken Marlborough

Pre-marriage counseling is a psychological counseling given to prospective wives and husbands before marriage. It plays an important role in building healthy marriages. Many marriage studies and researches have shown that pre-marriage counseling helps reduce the possibility of divorce. Couples who attend pre-marriage counseling classes are able to better overcome challenges and difficulties. Pre-marriage counseling sessions create an awareness of marital issues and problems that might occur in marital relationship. Pre-marriage counseling also assists people in determining if they are fully ready for marriage. Counseling sessions range from two or more meetings to relatively long discussions.

Religious counselors commonly give pre-marriage counseling. Pastoral counselors provide spiritual as well as psychological resources to improve communication among couples. Pastoral pre-marriage counseling programs are designed to assist the couple in building a biblical understanding and foundation for their married life.

Religious institutions, colleges and other educational institutions, non-profit organizations, and professional marriage counselors offer pre-marriage counseling courses. Counseling courses generally cover topics such as identifying strength and growth areas, developing conflict resolution skills, intimacy and sexuality issues, values and beliefs, setting up family goals, personality types, family origin issues, role relationships, communication skills, marriage expectations, children and parenting issues, and, the most important of all, financial issues. In addition to the above, pre-marriage counseling courses share group experiences, and encourage reading and homework activities. These activities help couples build a solid foundation for their life. Pre-marriage counseling programs are also offered online. A number of online pre-marriage counseling programs present a wedding information packet to the couple in the beginning.

Before choosing a pre-marriage counselor, check his certification, educational background, professional associations, and training. Also, check whether he has experience with the job, because that can be an important factor.

Marriage Problems.

Why Your Wife Prefers Her Girlfriends Over You

By Calle Zorro

Men come to me all the time complaining about their wife being gone all the time. They are angry because their wife is consistently �gone�, hanging out with her girlfriends. To make the problem even worse, they say, these girlfriends are �bad news�. They are �men-bashers� of the highest order.

Want to know what I tell them?

�The bad-news girlfriends are doing a better job of meeting your wife�s needs than you are � which is why she chooses to hang out with them instead of you.�

It�s not very pleasant. It doesn�t make them feel good. And, it contains the answer these men need to turn their situation around � so that their wife wants to hang out with them and have sex with them � instead of hanging out with the bad-news girlfriends�

The answer is�

�Do a better job at meeting your wife�s needs than anyone else she knows.�

The man who embraces this philosophy will soon find that his wife spends far, far more time with him than she does anyone else.

Want an easy way to find out how to meet your wife�s needs better than anyone else?

Ask her this one question: �Look deep inside of yourself and imagine for a moment that I met and satisfied your every need and desire better than anyone else you know. What would I be doing?�

Whatever it is that she tells you, treat with the UTMOST RESPECT because she will be baring her soul to you. How you treat her response will either take your marriage and sex-life to never-before-seen heights or it will be the straw-that-broke-the-camels-back.

To get the full scoop on how to meet your wife�s needs and to get the same kind of sexual response that many other men are getting, go to: www.NymphomaniacWife.com

Try it and see for yourself.

Author: Calle Zorro

Resource #1: Get more of what you want out of your marriage...

Resource #2: For men only...

How To Find A Marriage Therapist: Questions You Should Ask

By Lee Baucom

Are you thinking about seeking marital therapy for your marriage? Beware! Studies have shown almost 50% of couples in therapy end up divorced. Only 10 to 20% of couples who go to therapy see any significant help from counseling. This is a major indictment on therapy, and one that has not been addressed!

The problem is not that there aren't skilled marital therapists. The problem is there are too many therapists offering marital therapy that should not. If you decide to use a therapist to help you heal your relationship, you should be careful. Don't go in unprepared. Many people spend less time choosing a therapist than choosing someone to fix their roof!

There are some questions I think you should ask of any therapist. So, here, I will focus on the questions you may want to ask:

• "Do you have specialized training in marriage counseling?" You'd be amazed on how many therapists see couples, but have never been trained to do so. The vast majority of therapists are trained in individual therapy models. Many ideas in individual therapy models are destructive in marital therapy.

• "How much of your work is with couples?" Someone who spends a great deal of time with couples is likely to be better at it than someone who sees a few couples each week. Therapists tend to spend their time with the type of clients with whom they are comfortable and successful. However, therapists are also likely to see clients they are less comfortable with, but who help pay the bills (that's not cynicism, just reality).

• "When working with a couple, do you see us together or separately?" I don't see this as an absolute, but I think the vast majority of sessions should be with both of the spouses together. Sometimes, it is useful to see one or the other to help get past a block. However, there are a couple of risks of spending too much time with one or the other: First, therapists are humans; like it or not, they will be swayed by the views of whomever they spend the most time. Second, one or the other may perceive a coalition, even if it is not there. And third, if a therapist hears something that one cannot say to the other, then the therapist is in a difficult position: keeping a secret or violating something said in confidence.
  

• "Who is your client when you are seeing a couple?" Correct answer: the relationship (or some very similar answer). Any other answer indicates that the individual(s) will be the client. This is a problem. The question of who the client is creates the frame for what will be addressed and what will be preserved. So, if the individual is the client, the client's happiness will be of paramount importance. If the relationship is the client, then success is based on the success of the relationship.

• "How successful are you in helping couples stay together?" They probably won't have the statistics, but they will give you some information that is helpful. For example, they will begin to tell you their definition of success: helping people divorce with minimal damage (not a good answer), helping each find happiness (not a good answer), I hang in there until we get somewhere in the relationship (a good answer), etc. You want to hear something about success being defined as couples staying together, relationships saved.

• "When do you tell a couple to call it quits?" There shouldn't be many reasons to call it quits, on the therapist's part. If they answer "affair" or "when the other wants a divorce," keep moving. In my opinion, if the couple comes to my office, they are there to save the relationship. Barring abuse in the relationship, I opt to stick it out until the couple decides they will not continue.

As you can tell, you are looking for someone who will be an ally of the marriage. You want someone who is willing to be straight with both of you, and one that will keep pushing you to move toward health. You also want someone who has been down that road with many couples before, and someone who has been trained to walk that path.

Choose carefully. Often, the therapist holds a fragile relationship in the palm of his or her hand. Mistakes can destroy a relationship that may have otherwise survived. A good therapist is an asset. A bad therapist is destructive.

Premiere relationship advice! Discover how to move your relationship from stalemate to soulmate with the best-selling ebook, Save The Marriage, available exclusively from http://www.SaveTheMarriage.com. Find out how to save a marriage, even if only YOU want to!

Engaged for the Holidays - 10 Holiday Inspired Proposal ideas

By Cori Locklin

December is here, and not only is it the most wonderful time of the year; it�s also the most popular time to pop the question. Almost 1 million couples will get engaged this holiday season. Need a creative proposal that will deck your sweetie�s halls? Let this list of proposal ideas inspired by favorite seasonal tunes help you pop the question in true holiday style.

Silent Night

Ah, the first snowfall�the sparkling white silence, the blanketed landscape catching the glow of the twinkling lights and stars above. The season�s natural landscape sets the perfect ambiance for a romantic marriage proposal. Take a moonlit stroll through the new fallen snow, and ask her to be your wife.

Jingle Bell Rock

Arrange for the two of you to put up the holiday decorations together. Carefully attach a sparkling rock to her favorite ornament, and give it to her once all the rest have been placed on the tree.

And a Happy New Year

Ringing in the New Year goes hand in hand with a glass (or two) of the bubbly. Make hers extra sweet by dropping a dazzling diamond in her glass, and present it to her at the stroke of midnight.

Let it Snow

Ask her in a winter wonderland; write �Will You Marry Me� in fresh snow.

All She Wants for Christmas

If you suspect she may be on alert for a marriage proposal this holiday season, throw her off track during your gift exchange. Give her a typical present, and when she starts to think that it's not happening this time, suddenly remember another gift � and surprise her with the ring.

Home for the Holidays

Dreading the annual day of airport mayhem required to visit your families for the holidays? If you�ll be traveling together this season, make it a trip to remember. Stowe the engagement ring in your carry-on (un-wrapped of course), and have the boarding attendants announce a message for passenger (her name). Then pop the question just before you�re about to board. Hey, they may even bump you up to first class.

Caroling, Caroling

Have carolers come to the door and sing her favorite holiday tune � modifying one of the verses to say �will you marry me.�

Hooray for Christmas Vacation

Plan a night in to cuddle up and watch your favorite holiday film. Make a bowl of popcorn and place the ring at the bottom. When the popcorn�s almost finished, grab the ring and propose. (just don�t eat the ring!)

Santa Baby

Arrange to play Santa at a family or social Christmas party you�ll be attending with your honey. Have one of your friends convince her to sit on Santa�s lap. Be sure to tell her what Santa wants for Christmas � for her to be your wife!

Sleigh Ride

Many towns and cities offer carriage rides or tours to view the festive holiday regalia. On a particularly chilly evening, take your sweetie on a ride under the holiday lights. Propose while snuggling together under a blanket on a romantic �sleigh ride� through town.

For ideas, advice, photos and checklists to help you plan your wedding, visit the complete a Wedding Planning guide at Elegala.com

Cori Locklin is editor-in-chief for Elegala.com and Elegala Magazine (and a recent bride!). Elegala is a new wedding planning resource offering the most comprehensive portfolio of superior wedding reception sites and wedding services, along with planning tips, photo galleries and checklists to keep brides in-the-know on today's wedding trends and styles.

For a complete guide to creating an elegant and memorable wedding celebration, visit Elegala.com, your ultimate wedding planning resource.

Save Money By Decorating Your Wedding Or Party With Balloons Yourself

By Caroline Creasey

DIY Wedding Balloons How to save money with DIY Balloon Decoration

Professional Decorating of your wedding with balloons can be a stunning but expensive extra which may end up being cut from your budget.

You don't have to miss out on all the party atmosphere balloons can add.

Although it is not possible to re create the elaborate decorations a professional can offer you can really save money and create a good effect by doing some basics yourself. It's also a good way to involve extra bridesmaids in your planning.

Materials

Eleven inch diameter balloons are the most commonly used. You can inflate them to just 10 inches to save on helium if wished. The diameter is across the balloon not neck to top.

Try to keep to 2 or 3 toning colours which match the rest of your wedding. Silver or ivory team well with other accent colours.

5mm curling ribbon is used to tie the balloons and comes in lots of colours.

Balloon weights are available but just about anything can be used to weigh down balloons. Open one of your napkins and place it on a square of net, fill it with 150 gms of gravel and tie up with some of your curling ribbon. Attach the balloons to this.

Helium

Hire a canister of helium. Helium is the most expensive part of balloon decorating and disposable bottles do not contain enough to do a wedding. Hiring a bottle is quick and easy to do.

You'll also need sharp scissors, a tape measure and 15lb fishing line available from tackle and craft shops if you are planning on making a simple arch.

Technique

To look really good all the balloons need to be the same size. To do this, place two dining chairs back to back a set distance apart and pass each balloon between them. This will enable you to keep them all the same size and looking professional.

Cut lengths of about 1 1/2 meters curling ribbon and encorporate it as you tie the neck of the balloon with a tail hanging down. In this way you don't need to tie it on afterwards and the balloons can be allowed to float up to the ceiling to be collected into bunches after inflation.

Bunches of balloons look best in odd numbers, three, five and seven.

Floating Arches are impressive but surprisingly easy to make. They are created by tying the inflated balloons directly onto a length of 15lb fishing line in alternating colours. Wet the line with your finger tips before sliding the balloons along. It prevents the line cutting the latex.

Allow approx 1 1/2 to 2 hours to make 14 bunches of five balloons and a small arch.

Important to Remember

Latex balloons will only float for around 16-20 hours depending upon their size. The decorating must be done on the day of the event and not before so get someone you trust to do this for you.

Keep it simple if it is your first time decorating with balloons. Making sure all the balloons are the same size and the bunches are a uniform height will give the best possible impact as guests walk through the door.

Fill the venue with your own bunches of toning balloons and place an arch over each door and behind the cake table. Don't forget a bunch in the bathrooms and any other areas which people must pass through.

You'll create a party atmosphere at a fraction of the cost of getting a professional in and it's a good way to involve extra bridesmaids in your day.

Mother of four, Caroline Creasey, runs http://www.SillyJokes.co.uk, the UKs leading joke and party shop selling thousands of fancy dress goods and party supplies. If reproducing this article please include this link.