Are You Looking For Your Perfect Companion?

By Melody C.

Are you looking for Love by Design? Well you certainly have found the right place. A lot of people go through life completely unconscious and not knowing exactly what they want to have in a relationship until they get into a relationship and find that they don't have what they want.

It's sad but it's a true fact that the in our society people are not trained on how to understand relationships. Relationships are very simple, they are a mutual filling of needs and it is usually not until someone gets into a marriage or a relationship that they find that there are difficulties.

Usually we marry because of love and lust or attraction or we find someone who is pretty or handsome or they got a good job or they have ambition or they want to create a life or they want to have a family. You may have met them at a bar or meet them at school and you decide to fall in love and you have some things in common and you want to have kids and you decide to get married.

So many people do that when they are 18 or 20 or in their early 20s up until their 30s now. People are basically uncomfortable and they don't really make a Love by Design. A Love by Design is really ultimately the way to create a relationship by designing the perfect love for you and the perfect relationship for you.

Now there are 2 reasons why people break up in relationships. Dr Rob Bilton, who is the Director/Counsellor of the Centre for Life Management, co-author of "The Utimate Love by Design Package" and my life partner) and I have been counselling couples for years at the Centre. We find that if you look at all the hundreds of thousands of cases that we see every year it usually boils down to 2 main reasons why people aren't creating the relationships of their dreams and having their Love by Design.

The first reason is they are not really compatible, although they may have some compatibility in some areas. Maybe they like bowling or hiking or going to the same movies, but they may not be compatible in their visions, they may not be compatible in their timing or when they want to have children.

They may not be compatible in their workstyle or lifestyle or where they want to live. One person wants to go out and live in the country, and have a small little market garden in a dairy farm and the other one wants to live near the beach on the coast of California and pursue their Ph.D.

In this case they have two different visions, it is actually the visions and the values that are the glue that holds relationships together. In fact, it's not so much looking at each other, it's looking at the same direction together. That is what values and visions do. So you may be totally in love with somebody, and may get a long in some areas, but you may be fundamentally not compatible.

For example, my partner, Rob Bilton, was with this young lady Lucie and she was a very lovely woman. However, Rob wanted children at the time and Lucie had hers and wasn't interested in getting children at that time, so that is an example of incompatibility.

The other reason why relationships have a tendency not to work out that we see at the Centre is because of people who are not that functional and are not able to have the skills that make successful relationships work.

They in fact may have picked up bad habits or toxicities from their family of origin and from their early relationships that wreck an otherwise good or compatible relationship.

So ultimately when you are going out there and wanting to create a Love by Design, it is good that you screen for compatibility and functionality. The other thing is that if you are in an existing relationship, you can see what you have and see if fact if your partner is functional.

Then you can take action and read some of our books, consulting or counselling to improve on your functionality and if you are not compatible in some areas then you can shift that or you can accept that or compromise. There are always ways of doing that. If you are really fundamentally incompatible, (which is something that we will talk about in some of our teachings on deal breakers), then you may have a life decision to make.)

Melody Chase is the co-author of "The Ultimate Love By Design Relationship - Find Out If HE or SHE Is The One For You!". She is a professional counsellor and writer who has helped thousands of individuals and couples find and attract true love at the relationship centre run by herself and her husband Dr Robby Bilton. Get Instant FREE Access to SPECIAL REPORTS By Melody Chase at http://www.LoveByDesignBook.com.

President Bush has Declared; Marriage is Between a Man and a Woman

By Lance Winslow

The debate over gay marriage is raging on in Internet Forums, the streets of America and in the halls of Congress; will the issue ever be solved to everyones liking? The chances are it wont as the two sides are about as diverse as they could be with another fringe group within each side of the group.

You see you have the Gay and Lesbian Community and then on the other side the Christian Right, well at least a good number of them more than just their "Burn in Hell You Heathen" Fringe, seems so adamant about the controversy of Gay Marriage. Going solely on their literal interpretations of a few verses in their Religious Literature. Too bad really, as you would think if you love thy neighbor you would want them to be as happy as possible, free from want and generally allowed to choose their destiny while fully exercising their rights to pursue happiness.

Both sides of the argument have gotten out of hand at times. And so often the Burn in Hell you Heathen Scum is used as a salutation or You ignorant invisible friend worshiper, Homophobic is used.

I wish both sides would step out and see the other sides perspective. We have fear of the sanctity of marriage on one hand and on the other hand a demand for civil rights, which are not exactly spoken for in the Constitution and probably not exactly what the religious gentleman of the time considered appropriate, but when you talk about civil rights in the demeanor and fervor that they did in their personal letters and correspondence it overwhelmingly seems to be a Yes vote for the rights of the individual.

And that of course has to include all Americans, regardless of an after thought of sexual connotation in the present period. Indeed the rights of the individual do trump the religious belief systems as there is also a separation of Church and State. I am for individual rights for all, as long as they do not trample my rights to pursue my own destiny. Time will fix this issue; mark my words. It will all change in the future, as change is a constant you can always count on. Consider this in 2006.

"Lance Winslow" - Online www.WorldThinkTank.net/

Wedding Vows: You Only Get One Chance

By CJ- Instant Wedding Vows

How many hours have you spent trying to write your special marriage vows only for them to end up in the trash? In your mind you have spent many hours going over and over exactly what you want to say to the love of your life, to your soulmate, but when you try and write it on paper, it just doesn't sound right!

I know that creating the Perfect Wedding Vow is difficult for many grooms and brides and it can become over whelming because you want it to be just perfect because you only get one chance, unless of course you are renewing your vows.

Instead of knocking yourself out I have listed a few tips that will assist you in writing your own wedding vow that youll be proud of and your loved one will cherish for the rest of your lives!

Write from your heart. Pick out a few words that remind you of your finance and put them done on paper. Then start by blending in more words until it comes together. I know it sounds easy, but try it a few times and you may have a wonderful and straight-from-the-heart wedding vow.

Start your vow out with Remember when...and embellish on this statement, go back to a time you first met or a time that was very memorable to you and build your vow around that.

If you are getting married in a religious ceremony make sure you check with the officiant to see what words you should stay away from.

When youre writing your vows decide if you want them to be traditional, funny, romantic, or original this will help eliminate they way you word your vow.

Write a few sample wedding vows and add or take out from them to complete a perfect vow!

If you get writers block dont worry, take a deep breath, go get a drink, walk outside for a minute to get some fresh air and then continue. Dont get frustrated!

Make sure you and your fianc are the same wave length and agree to writing and sharing each others vows on your wedding day.

Ask yourself these questions and then write the answer down, this will help in creating your personal wedding vow:

1. What is the most important thing you love best about your partner (the way they love you, their smile, their willingness to give, etc)

2. What does marriage mean to you? Why do you want to spend the rest of your life with your fianc?

3. When did you know the person you are about to marry was truly the one for you? The one that you know was a match made in heaven?

If you both are poem lovers there are many websites that have some beautiful poems that would work perfect for wedding vows, of course you will have to improvise by removing some of the words and adding your own.

Practicepracticepractice

If all else fails and you have absolutely had it, your mental block will not go away, your frustrated, stressed and running out of time, you can always consult an expert or get some ideas from a family memberdont be afraid to ask.

I wish you the best of happiness as you travel down the journey of life - loving, learning and growing together!!

This article was written by http://www.InstantWeddingVow.com saving you time, stress and a simplified answer to creating and writing your own wedding vows!

A Boomers Journey to Forgiveness

By Amy Sherman

Over the years you may have built up resentments and hostility towards others and the pain, anger and even hatred has festered, causing physical and emotional distress. Perhaps you were hurt so badly that the memories are too difficult to review or the situation is beyond anything you could repair. Is it possible to gather up the courage and commitment to give yourself a special gift and that is to begin the process of forgiveness? Forgiveness is something you do for your well-being, not for others. It is a gift you give to yourself, a gift that helps you make peace with your past and brings harmony to your present.

Why should you forgive? Because the benefits outweigh the effort. A person who is able to forgive is free to love others, as well as him/herself. Forgiveness does not mean you forget. It means you settle the inner turmoil by letting go of the destructive thoughts that harbor inside and cause you distress and discomfort. To forgive means you take back control of your life and dissolve the dismal cloud that follows you wherever you go.

Ask yourself the following questions to gain some personal insight:

1. Are you worth more than the unsettling feelings you harbor?

2. How much effort are you willing to put into freeing yourself of this burden?

3. Can you take 100% responsibility for choosing to feel the way you do?

4. Is joy and happiness a possibility for you?

It takes maturity, some understanding and a belief that this test may be your greatest personal challenge. But, when you unlock those thoughts that kept you captive and in pain, you become renewed and liberated and can move on without the emotional baggage.

Its an amazing feeling to forgive and a worthwhile lesson to learn. Because you do it for your emotional as well as your physical welfare, you become the victor, no longer persecuted by unpleasant memories from the past.

Amy Sherman, LMHC, is a licensed mental health counselor in private practice. Amy is the author of the ebook, "Distress-Free Aging: A Boomer's Guide to Creating a Fulfilled and Purposeful Life". She specializes in issues specific to the 40+ generation and is available for telephone coaching and face-to-face therapy. For more information, go to amysherman@bummedoutboomer.com or by phone at 561) 281-2975.

Time For A Quickie!

By Sharon Jacobsen

Technique! We seem to have become obsessed by it! There are probably thousands of books offering detailed explanations of ways to make love to your partner. But what about spontaneity? Where's that gone? What about the pleasures of the impromptu quickie? You're both horny, there's a raw urgency in the air, and you need it NOW!

Some women are afraid to let their partner know that they'd like a quickie. Supposing he misinterprets it and thinks you just want a quick shag that can be over and done within next to no time because you can't be bothered with the 'real thing'? The truth is, if you're horny and lusting for him, wanting a quickie will just show how much you still fancy him on a physical basis. You wouldn't feel irked at being desperately wanted by the bloke you fancy most, would you?

Sex serves many purposes and variation is no bad thing. One purpose is the reinforcement of that private bond which exists only between the two of you; something nobody else can share in. For this reason, having a quickie in a 'forbidden' situation can actually strengthen the relationship. When everybody is in full swing at the party, a couple that go outside and urgently make love have a secret that's theirs alone.

The excitement of being found out is also frequently linked with quickie sex. Having a quick romp in a semi-public place (such as behind the garage at the above mentioned party) can be highly stimulating. The feeling of 'naughtiness' often leads to intense arousal, culminating in delicious sex that's equally as good as the sex we'd ordinarily have in our comfortable beds with plenty of foreplay.

The term 'sex-positions' takes on a whole new meaning with quickie sex and couples often find themselves in positions that they'd never have otherwise experimented with. Old pieces of furniture, a wall, a washing machine or anything else that happens to be close by comes into its own when no-frills sex is on the menu.

One or both partners are usually partially dressed, something which in itself can be very arousing. Being held up against a wall with one breast outside your bra, your knickers around your knees and trying not to kick those litter bins for fear of attracting unwanted attention.... well, it could just as easily be a fantasy!

There's no right time or place for a quickie. Only your imagination can limit where and when. If you really want it, you'll find a place or situation that will be suitable for a bout of urgent sex. The kitchen table, the garden shed, or even a toilet seat will do. Just keep one thing in mind - no matter how desperate you are, it really isn't a good idea to subject unwitting by-passers to your amorous frolics. There are plenty of exhibitionists around, but we aren't all voyeurs!

Happy bonking!

About The Author

Sharon grew up in East London but moved to Norway at the age of 19, returning to England in 1998. She now lives in Cheshire with her partner and two of her three children. Besides writing, she is currently studying Social Science with The Open University, runs a web site where women in the UK can meet other women for platonic friendship (www.friendsyourway.co.uk), potters in her garden, knits and reads everything she comes over.

s.jacobsen@friendsyourway.co.uk

8 Secrets for Working from Home with Your Spouse and Keeping the Romance Alive!

By Karla Ruzycki-Davis

Do you ever wonder how couples are able to work together within the same home or office space day after day? I often wondered this as I watched my own parents share an office space in the basement of our old house. Well, I now know how to make this union work under the same roof while keeping my sanity!

If you work from your home or from an office space with your spouse you know how frustrating it can be at times. Work and home time can often cross into the wrong areas if we are not careful to separate them. This time can also be very rewarding and special, and we should consider ourselves blessed if we have the freedom of working from home. It can provide comfort, flexibility, and a sense of real teamwork!

Here are 8 Tips to consider when sharing your office space:

1. GIVE EACH OTHER SPACE FREE FROM DISTRACTIONS

After all, your home office is still your office and the purpose is to get work done and make things happen! Regardless of your specific profession, nobody is getting anything done if you are constantly distracting or being distracted. It is never a good idea to ask your spouse a question while they are taking a phone call, our minds need to be focused on the task at hand. The question can wait until after they are of the phone. Likewise, poking your head in and checking in to ask about trivial things that can wait until after work hours will drive your spouse crazy and not let them be as productive.

Try to find a space that has a door as it will provide quiet when required and lets the other person know when it is not okay to enter. At the very least try to keep your desk area separate. Use common sense and your discretion here. Always think of how you would want to be treated.

2. TRY TO MAKE TIME TO EAT LUNCH TOGETHER

Even if for only 15 minutes, try your best to eat lunch together. This serves as a time to catch up on each other's day or go over those 'small details' that would otherwise be saved for later such as groceries, kid items, etc. This not only allows the two of you to connect but it ensures that you don't work through the whole day without eating which can often happen when you are busy within a home environment.

3. MAKE BOUNDARIES FOR WORK AND PERSONAL HOUSEHOLD CHORES

It is easy to get caught up in folding towels, picking up dry cleaning, and watering the garden but remember you have limited business hours to access clients and get the job done. Try to save these smaller tasks for the weekend or evening, or do some on your lunchtime. It is great to have the flexibility to get it all done at home but some of us do not have the discipline to stay focused once we are taken of track.

Likewise, the kids are not going to be thrilled nor are you if your spouse spent 4 hours fiddling with a household chore instead of working on the business to now have to catch up on a Saturday. I am not saying that you cannot blend the two but know your boundaries so that you keep the family peace and stay productive!

4. MAKE PLAY TIME DURING THE WORKDAY

Yes, you heard me-PLAY! Even if for 5 or 10 minutes. You can bring your honey a snack, or read an interesting/funny email you received. One thing that works well for my husband and I is to look for the other when taking a water break, quick stretch or bathroom break. Simply just find your spouse, ask them how everything is going and give them a kiss and/or hug to let them know that you love and appreciate them. It seems like a simple thing but it means a lot in the long run and creates a further sense of peace and contentment, not to mention the desire to go the extra mile!

5. RESPECT PRIVACY DURING NON-WORKING HOURS

Just because you work with your spouse within the home, unlike the common corporate office, does not mean that there should be any less privacy! At times it may be tempting, but it is never a good idea, to read their mail/ e-mail, look through drawers or snoop through receipts. Treat their office as if it was not in the home. If it needs to be cleaned ask them what their preference is if you do need to go in there. This goes without saying, after all you would not snoop through a colleagues desk!

6. SURPRISE EACH OTHER AS IF YOU WORKED IN SEPARATE OFFICES

This is to keep the excitement and spark that some claim is already lost after marriage, but more so when you work within the same 4 walls. Surprise your spouse as if you would if thinking about them from afar. Send your spouse some flowers or a plant 'just because' or for a special occasion! This is not only a nice gesture, it will brighten up your home office where they can be enjoyed all day. My husband and I like to give each other small cards when we know the other will least expect it to show our appreciation for each other. Another idea is to call your sweetie and tell them how much you appreciate them while you are driving en route to see a client or run an errand. It only takes 3 minutes and you will have a more enjoyable work and home environment as a result!

7. HAVE A SEPARATE HOME AND OFFICE PHONE NUMBER

I have worked in sales long enough to tell you how unprofessional it sounds when you call a client and their spouse or child answers the phone saying "Dad, phone for you!" As many couples start a business the issue of cutting expenses is important. This is the one time I would say it is well worth your money! You want to appear as though you are larger than you actually are and appear to be a step above your competitors. Having 2 separate lines also saves you from distractions as you now avoid taking personal home calls during office hours and vice versa. You also get to free yourself from a lot of telemarketers!

8. MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF

During the day you see so much of one another that booking time with friends or spending some 'alone time' becomes essential. You might already visit on the weekend with your friends or extended family but doing this during the week is a great way to break up all the hours you are with your spouse. A 20- minute walk on your own, a trip to the local bookstore/hardware store, yoga class, or dinner with friends is needed as to not drive each other crazy. This keeps you and your marriage fresh. You need something daily to talk about other than work! It might be time to get that gym membership you have been thinking about. Your health will improve and so will your marriage. Balance is key, so try to spend at least 30 minutes per day doing something on your own and I guarantee you won't regret it!

Karla Davis is the President of Restoring Order. She is a Home Stager, Professional Organizer, Interior Re-designer, as well as Public Speaker. She specializes in Staging and Organizing homes, office spaces and has over 10 years of experience and success within inside/outside Sales and Marketing. Karla is also the wife of Author, Paul Davis and is currently writing two books of her own. Karla's life mission is to positively transform the homes and lives of everyone she meets.

Please contact Karla for your Home Staging,Professional Organizing, Interior Redesign, or Professional Speaking needs at:

Karla Davis
Restoring Order
P.O. Box 684
Goldenrod, FL 32733
U.S.A.
W: (407) 284-1705
http://www.paulnkarla.com

How Husbands Love Their Wives by Writing an Affirmative and Effective Note

By Dave Pipitone

There are many articles that cover the mechanics for writing love letters, like the eight rules for personal love letters or writing to express your love and admiration during treasured moments. But one question is underneath the actually writing, "How do I compose a positive and loving letter to my wife?"

Before I share three points of awareness that I have realized, let's explore the top, current influences and thinking on marriage that can affect our beliefs. Let me rephrase the second half of that last sentence. Let's examine some of the prevailing ways we think about marriage that can affect how we envision our spouses.

We live in a modern society and age that is heavily influenced by a dominant media. While each of us has the power to make our own choices, it is easy to get swept away by group-think that plants weeds contrary to marriage, a husband's role and what makes an intimate and lasting friendship.

The predominant media influence is television. In the United States, movies, sitcoms and reality TV shows attract very large audiences. Whether we personally watch these shows or not, friends regularly talk about what happened on the "show." Many of these shows depreciate how husbands contribute to a marital relationship and play up to dog fights in a marriage for the sake of amusing humor. There are even cartoon shows in prime time that poke fun at the embattled, selfish husband who has to cover up his scheming to keep his wife from finding out about his adventures, whatever those might be.

The second forceful media influence is the popular print publications such as newspapers, tabloids and "relationship" periodicals. Headlines shout throughout our waking moments to sell copies about astounding revelations of celebrity divorces, separations, affairs and more. For those who devour these stories, one's thinking is cast that this is the way marriage is supposed to be. So, what do these two situations have to do with husbands writings a positive and loving letter to their wives?

In the early 1900s, James Allen wrote a very small book, "As a Man Thinketh." Mr. Allen posed the verifiable truth, "we become what we think about." If we husbands allow our thinking to get swept away by absorbing the prevailing media messages about husband and wives, it will be very difficult to write a positive and loving letter. The answer is to avoid the negative and create a positive environment that supports uplifting thinking and inspiring values. Where can we men look to do that?

First, we need to locate and participate in a network of loving, happily married couples. This could be a marriage support group or enrichment program at church, a Marriage Encounter weekend or continuing dialog group, neighbors or families where marriage is revered..

Second, we need to observe our own thoughts. Absorb praiseworthy thoughts about marriage and about our wives. This can involve recalling the happy times in marriage and reflecting upon the traits admired most about our wives. On the action side, making plans to do more activities together reinforces the positive thinking. In his book, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," Dr. John Gottmann outlines a seven week course in fondness and admiration.

For five days a week, a husband considers a positive thought about his wife and then takes action upon it. When I took this course for my wife, I took the exercise to another level by creating cards for each day and then writing a note to my wife that I gave to her. Doing that really put my money on the table when I shared my thoughts like that with her. I declared my intent and was being accountable at the same time. The exercise came at the right time, when my wife's mother entered a nursing home and our young daughter struggled with a health issue. My wife was overwhelmed by the show of personal support and affirmation. It made a real improvement in how I consciously communicated with my wife.

Third, a husband's ability to write loving words to his wife hinges on vocabulary. It is a well-known fact that women are more adept in relationships than men are. Men need to take acting lessons before they can star in the emotional intelligence theater. One way to develop a love language is to take some time to read love poems, greeting cards and samples of other love letters. It is perfectly acceptable for a husband to ask his wife what she would like him to write to her. If he makes convey to use his own feelings of fondnness and admiration, a husband can write a positive and loving letter that will make a powerful impact.

Dave Pipitone is a professional communicator and happily married husband to Cheryl and doting father to Emily. Husbands can find more valuable information about improving their http://www.songofourmarriage.com.